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Time to Get Off of the Fence


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Thursday, April 11, 2013



Today is day ONE of my streak!

Yes, I fell off the wagon and had to start my streak over again. There's no shame in that at all, though. I'm not perfect, and I would never waste my time trying to be. There will always be slip ups along the way, even when I eventually reach my goal size and start maintenance. But as long as I keep getting back on the wagon and not giving up on myself, I know I will make progress!

Speaking of progress...well, to be honest, I haven't been making as much progress lately. And the main reason for that falls right on my own shoulders. I have been sabotaging myself left and right! I haven't had a full out binge, thank goodness. But I've been eating too much. Not enough to gain, but just enough to keep me from losing. My clothes still fit the same. Its been a while since I've had a WOW moment where something that used to be too tight suddenly fits me. And its been a while since I've really felt motivated to exercise.

Don't get me wrong...I haven't skipped any of my workouts. In spite of not feeling like doing it, I've still worked out, and once I get into the workout, I love it. (And I especially love how good I feel when I'm done! I love that sense of pride I get after I finish a workout.) But my motivation to eat right and exercise is almost completely non-existent. I just tell myself every day to "Fake it until you make it", and then I push myself to do it. So I guess that probably counts as progress, because the OLD ME would have just given up at this point, and gained all the weight back.

I'm not going to do that. I've worked too hard to give up now. I don't ever want to go back to being the old me, ever again. I want to keep pushing, and I want to reach my goal.So what is holding me back? What is it that is keeping me stuck right here, halfway to goal?



I've written about this in my personal journal, and I've come to a realization; I don't know who I am anymore. Does that sound stupid or strange? Maybe it does, but its true. I don't know who Pixie is, or who Pixie is going to be at goal.

I am going to turn 52 at the end of the month. I've never really thought that age mattered, but now that I'm about to turn 52, I suddenly feel like a grown up. (Took me long enough to grow up, eh?) Not only am I getting older, but I'm getting smaller, which is good. But its like there is just TOO much change going on. Who is this smaller, older woman? Who is this woman who has started to wear makeup and jewelry? I wonder if I look silly, or if I look like I'm trying too hard to look halfway decent. Am I too old for long hair now? Are these clothes "too young" for me?

In the past year, I've lost 71 lbs, gotten fitter and healthier and firmer...I've stopped binge eating and I've started eating healthy....I've stopped sitting around all day and I've started working out. I do DDP Yoga, I do kettlebell workouts, and I walk a LOT. I'm proud of myself for the changes I've made, but I'm scared to go any further.

Right now, it feels like I'm straddling the fence...halfway between the old me, and halfway between who I'm going to be. So its just as easy to go in one direction as it is the other. I could easily go back to the old me...obese, housebound, invisible, ignored. No one looked at me, and no one expected anything of me.

Or I can go to the new me...whoever she is. Thats pretty scary, but I am going to do it. I am going to get off the fence and come down on the side where the new me is waiting. I'm going to stop sabotaging myself by eating too much. I may not completely know who Pixie at 52 is, but I do know this about her; she is going to be fit, healthy, strong, and she is going to reach her goal size!





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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
JAMER123 4/12/2013 11:07PM

    You are where I am, half way to my long term goal and basically stuck. I may have a similar block you are experiencing. My stall has been a yr. but I have noticed many change in skin tightening and better conditioned than it was after losing 83# fairly rapid. I tell people I am letting my skin catch up to my body!!!
You will get there!! I have confidence in you!!
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JERICHO1991 4/12/2013 10:27PM

    Sounds a lot like me. Exercising, but not decreasing calories enough for significant weight loss.

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KEEPFIT2013 4/12/2013 10:25PM

    While I don't love these moments of questioning in the moment, looking back, they are pivotal times and often more powerful for me than the big (or should I say more obvious) successes. I remember reading one time about the 'dark night of the soul' as a time when the ground feels like it comes out from under and old beliefs and old habits come into question. Those moments are door openers to new beginnings and new paradigms. I am excited for you.....the shift is happening or so it seems by all your references in this blog. Enjoy this new beginning..................
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A-DAY-AT-A-TIME 4/12/2013 10:12PM

  emoticon

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REALKIEKEY 4/12/2013 10:07PM

    emoticon always keep moving forward. Even if you back slide you will never be the same person again.

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GOING-STRONG 4/12/2013 10:04PM

    YOU are worth having a strong, healthy body. If you are on Facebook, be sure and check out the page "Constructing a New Rick" and "Eli Sapharti - Fat Boy Fit Man". I follow a number of motivational pages on Facebook and it really gives me a good dose of motivation. Have a wonderful week-end ad Spark on!

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SASSYTHING52 4/12/2013 9:42PM

    yes emoticon i know you can

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MJ7DM33 4/12/2013 9:27PM

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WINNIE-POOH 4/12/2013 9:18PM

    emoticon We can't fool ourselves, so we must be accountable to self.

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HEARTS116 4/12/2013 9:13PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SHOAPIE 4/12/2013 9:03PM

    emoticon

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KIPPER15 4/12/2013 8:48PM

    A timely message for me. emoticon

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JILLYBEAN3628 4/12/2013 8:39PM

    I love the picture...so cute and motivating. There will always be fences in our lives. Sometimes we'll straddle them...other times, we'll hurdle over them at full speed.

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MYSTERIOUS-LADY 4/12/2013 8:28PM

    emoticon

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JUNEAU2010 4/12/2013 8:24PM

    emoticon emoticon

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HOLLYM48 4/12/2013 8:13PM

    Just as the scale is only a number, so is age. It does not define you. It does not say how you must dress. Dress for you. Dress so that when you look in the mirror, you say, Wow, I look good! Because as great as it is too look good for others, we must be beautiful in our own eyes to really shine. So put on the make up and the jewelry and dress in bold colors if that is what you like. We are her for such a short time in reality, we cant worry whether others like the way we dress or look!
Do it for you! YOU are worth it. We can do this.
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4KWALK 4/12/2013 7:08PM

    You are so open and honest with your thoughts and ideas. At least you have faced them. I have been wondering what I was doing. Slipping back into the old habits and gaining again. Is it fear that keeps me in the known territory and out of the new territory? Yes it is. I am afraid of how I will have to handle the world at a smaller me. Doesn't make sense does it?
I will turn 60 in just 18 days. I don't want to go into my 60th year afraid. I want to go into it boldly. I think it's time I jumped off that fence too.
Thank you so much for helping me see how I was straddling that fence.

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ONLYTEMPORARY 4/12/2013 6:51PM

    emoticon

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JOANNHUNT 4/12/2013 6:41PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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YOU HAVE COME ALONG WAY. I WISH I COULD LOOSE THE WEIGHT YOU HAVE. I AM STUCK RIGHT NOW ALSO AS THE STRESS IS BUILDING UP MORE AND MORE EACH DAY. I HAVE BEEN STARTING OVER EVERY OTHER DAY LATELY. THE CHOCOLATE AND PIZZA HAS BEEN MY WEAKNESS LATELY. I HAVE TO PULL IT TOGETHER FOR MYSELF AND MY HEALTH. I HAVE COMPLETE FAITH IN YOU THAT YOU WILL PULL IT TOGETHER AND GET MOVING ON UP. WEARING MAKE-UP AND JEWELERY AGAIN IS AWESOME. HOODIES, JEANS AND SLIMMING TRACK PANTS ARE AWESOME TOO. IF YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE AND SEXY IN WHAT YOU WEAR DO IT. I HAVE SEEN WOMEN WHO HAVE LOST WEIGHT AT THE AGE OF 60 TO 70 YEARS YOUNG AND THEY LOOK AWSOME IN JEANS AND A NICE SHIRT.

WEAR IT FOR YOU AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE ONES WHO ARE JEALOUS YOU LOOK SO GOOD. YES YES YES. ENJOY IT AND YOU CAN.

Comment edited on: 4/12/2013 6:44:01 PM

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NEWTINK 4/12/2013 6:14PM

    it is scary and i battle with this same thing but we can do it emoticon

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SPEEDY143 4/12/2013 6:00PM

    emoticon emoticon I've been half way for a year now emoticon I was so pleased for maintaining the 70 pounds I'd lost with SparkPeople but your right... Time to Get Off of the Fence emoticon

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RESTORETOSANITY 4/12/2013 4:56PM

  Yes, at every age we can reinvent ourselves. But it is also true that weight loss is scary territory. My dr admitted even they don't know all the bio-chemical changes I've gone through, never mind the fact that "I don't know who I am" is seriously going on for me right now! I let this fear help push me back into eating 20 years ago, but now I know lots more about me, what I need, how I tick, and how to keep people in my corner and let them be there for me. Hang in there!

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ROSCOEKR 4/12/2013 4:42PM

    emoticon emoticon

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ISABELLE31 4/12/2013 4:29PM

    I love your honesty. I also like how you just start your streak over and don't get too discouraged. It's a good example for others to follow!

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CRYSSYBUG 4/12/2013 4:27PM

    I can understand how you feel. I have felt that way too. I only have 20 more pounds to get to my goal weight, but I have been sitting here with only 20 lbs to go go almost two years. I am thankful that I have been able to keep the 72 pounds off and I have not gained, but I want to lose the rest. I have just been afraid. None of my friends have joined me in this endeavor and I don't want them to feel weird around me or me feel weird around then if that makes sense. Of course, that is just one more excuse not to try harder. I guess it is time for me to finally get off that fence too.

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BLPRETTYGIRL1 4/12/2013 4:08PM

    emoticon

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DIANNEMT 4/12/2013 3:57PM

    I am 56 and can wear most anything I want to wear--no miniskirts any more but knee length is fine! Any jeans work and tops that cover my belly are great--a little cleavage is even better! I look great, feel great and finally CARE about how I look. So--just enjoy it!

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ALIDOSHA 4/12/2013 3:51PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUSIEMT 4/12/2013 3:46PM

    Hey Pixie!
Recommitment can be a bear! Good luck with that! So did you say you dug out your food scale, cups and measuring spoons? If not do so. Did you ever consider trying to maintain your current weight for a year and then get back into the weight loss? Just a thought.
For myself I had initially set a goal of 150 lbs. Well, I finally came to the realization that was just too low for me. So I increased it to 165 lbs and am now only 4 lbs away from this new goal. I want to maintain for at least 6 months and if it goes alright I will go from there.
Pixie, you have made such good strides with your journey. I think what bothers me most about what you have said is that you are having problems with your food. There is something wrong there. Do you have a diet buddy? I think husbands don't count unless they are really committed to it. Think about the food you are eating or have been eating and actually work up a plan "you" can live with. If you can't live with it make appropriate changes. Nothing is set in stone! I hate to sound like I am preaching here but I am and will now shut up! You know what to do! Good luck hon!

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FITWITHIN 4/12/2013 3:22PM

    Excellent blog! Thanks for sharing! emoticon

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WENDYANNE61 4/12/2013 3:13PM

    Hi Pixie,
looking forward to welcoming you to the 52-club - I had my 52nd in February and I can definately smell freedom on the horizon - as in older, wiser and at peace with my inner self! Hop over the fence to a new free you! emoticon

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SNUZSUZ 4/12/2013 3:00PM

    emoticon

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TRISHMO1 4/12/2013 2:51PM

  Your words ring true emoticon

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FRAN0426 4/12/2013 2:32PM

    Thanks for sharing this, I think many feel the same way. So get off that fence and you will move forward on your journey emoticon

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RODYANNE 4/12/2013 2:21PM

  Thank you for the inspirational blog. I need to keep going forward also.


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LIZZIE-BELLE1 4/12/2013 2:16PM

  Thanks for sharing.

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ABUFFKIN 4/12/2013 1:46PM

    I love reading your blogs because you are so open and honest and REAL. I am glad that you have decided to venture over to the great, awesome, brand new side of the fence. I think we spend all of our lives trying to figure out who we are, and that image changes many times over our lives as we grow. It is going to be okay, because you have all the tools that you need to be successful. 71 pounds in one year is AMAZING, kudos to you!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JOYFUL452003 4/12/2013 1:28PM

    Thank you. You are so honest and down to earth and we can all relate to where you are coming from. We are all there with you! None of us are perfect and we all fall. The key for all of us (and it is the hardest part) is getting up and continuing on. Many times every day I tell myself "slow and steady wins the race!"
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emoticon Muriel

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KACEYSW 4/12/2013 1:27PM

    emoticon
Thanks for setting a good example for me!

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KIKIMAV 4/12/2013 1:16PM

    I am really impressed on how honest you are with yourself and how much aware you are of your behavior!!! emoticon
I usually either make excuses for myself, or am being to hard on me! Being able to observe yourself objectively is something difficult for everyone and one must try hard to achieve it!
Your blog really inspired me! Have a great day!

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WORKNPROGRESS49 4/12/2013 1:02PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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A_BIT_AT_A_TIME 4/12/2013 12:59PM

    Wow, this really hit a chord with a whole bunch of us -- so many similar struggles you've put into words for those of us who don't (yet) have words.

The only thing I am certain of - I don't care how old I get, I'm keeping my long hair!
The rest, yeah, I dunno yet.

How wonderful to see so many of us not only *struggling* with these ideas but ALSO working on them!

emoticon Hugs to Everyone!! emoticon

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CATE195 4/12/2013 12:57PM

    I'm pulling for the new you side of the fence emoticon emoticon

And remember, 52 is a complete set of cards and think of all the possibilities you have with a brand new deck of cards.

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MMHELGESON5 4/12/2013 12:57PM

    You can do this! emoticon

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BARBARASDIET 4/12/2013 12:38PM

    emoticon

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TOKIEMOON 4/12/2013 12:35PM

    Wow! Your name could be Denise (except that you're only 51, not 55). You so aptly described me it's almost scary! Please keep maintaining rather than backsliding. I look forward to your posts - I feel like I'm living vicariously through you! Denise
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Comment edited on: 4/12/2013 12:36:51 PM

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DEBLYNN323 4/12/2013 12:32PM

    Struggling with the same...thanks for sharing!

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MISSCATY 4/12/2013 12:31PM

    You can do it!!!!!!!

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TINY67 4/12/2013 12:30PM

    emoticon emoticon

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PATRICIAANN46 4/12/2013 12:23PM

  I have complete faith in you. Look how far you have come. emoticon

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