Thursday, April 11, 2013
Bleaaahhhhh. Coming at you in the middle of a free-for-all eating week! Iím still tracking every single calorie, which is new behavior for me, so I take good credit for that. But between PMS (sorry if any men happen to read this) and birthday week (Saturday, woot!), I just canít seem to make myself get in the weight loss zone. Havenít worked out since Sunday morning, and tonight and tomorrow are blocked for dinners with friends. Obviously I could carve out some time, but Iím just not. And the eating, yikes. I havenít exactly sat down with a full bag of Doritos, but Iím definitely not making healthy choices at my meals.
Do you ever just get tired of making fresh start after fresh start after fresh start after fresh start? Iíve lost 9.6 pounds since New Yearís Day. That averages about .68 pound per week. Now I KNOW that healthy lasting weight loss happens slowly. But, really? Weíre halfway through April and I havenít hit 10 pounds? Oh wait, I have. Twice. And then gained back down. In fact, Iíve alternated between gaining/losing every single week for nearly two months. It just gets old. I keep waiting for my big ďClickĒ moment where I keep going the right way. You read SP success stories of people who just kept going, going, going and theyíre on some whole other level. My best friend started a fresh journey on New Yearís Day as well, and sheís down 34 pounds and planning to run a mini-marathon.
I KNOW that comparison is a bad idea. Iím not even comparing myself to my BFF or those other SP success stories, because I accept the fact that theyíve all just flat-out been putting in more effort than me. Itís that motivation thing again. How do you sustain that over time? I KNOW that no one is perfect, and that successful people still have dips, low points, gains, binges along the way. But. . . every other week? Sometimes every other day? Thatís me. Successful people are like ďI saw that picture of me putting my son on the bus and realized that fat person wasnít meĒ or ďI heard my doctor say I was headed for diabetes and that was just itĒ and from that point forward, they just had drive and determination to spare. Iíve had a million moments like that and get fired up, then a few days later itís like ďEhĒ. Am I really the only person who struggles with this?
It just gets exhausting doing the cheerleading thing time after time. I get in a good groove, my motivation is up, I announce ďIím going to do XYZ and Iím going to get RESULTS!Ē And I absolutely mean it. And I have a loss. Then the next week (or next day), I announce ďYum, a Blizzard sounds good!Ē and the weight loss gets shelved until I feel that motivation again. And again, I KNOW that itís not going to be perfect. There are going to be bumps, and that eating a Blizzard is okay and not a reason to derail my success, blah blah blah. All Iím asking is for maybe an 80/20 ďgood/badĒ ratio as opposed to literally 50/50?
The good part is that I DO keep making those fresh starts. Over and over and over. And as exhausting and embarrassing as it is, I keep trying even after so many mini-failures. Overall my attitude is good. Itís just that usually the only time I share with the WL community is when Iím in that cheerleader mode, so I thought I should start sharing during my ďI donít careĒ mode too. Maybe thatís one of the secrets to getting that ratio a little closer to where I want it to be.