Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Music had always had a big part in my life. I've found that in the last few years I've stopped a lot of things that really made me happy and really made me, me. I've let my weight gain really hold me back form things that are enjoyable especially in the music area. I stopped being in band because I was just kind of embarrassed of myself, I mean you can't really hide behind anything on a stage. I mean it's not like we had any gigs but merely discussing the idea would send me into a panic.
Or even going to shows, I love to get up front and dance and have a good time, but in the last few years I either hang far back or just don't go to avoid being the fat girl up front blocking everyone or worse getting looks because I'm taking up to much space dancing.
I also used to do podcasts and music reviews for my friends website. I really enjoyed doing them but then my friend started posting pictures of me at different events and i just couldn't stand knowing that everyone was seeing these horrible pictures. So I got really "busy" and stopped doing them.
It's amazing to think of how much I've left go of because of how self conscious I've become. The funny thing is that all my friends think I've got such great self confidence and I'm just wondering where its hiding at, I seem to have misplaced it in the last few years.
So one of my goals is getting back to all the music and activities I love. It makes life more fun.
I've downloaded some great music apps like indie shuffle, pandora, 8 tracks, and pitch fork. In the next year I plan to get back at playing the guitar and actually learning to play that keyboard
I bought like 3 years ago.
There's so many parts to this weightloss thing, its not just about diet and nutrition but about working through some stuff and learning to live the life you want to live. I used to think, well once I loss weight I'll do this, but I'm slowly starting to realize that just being on the right track and in the right mindset is what i need to start doing the things that I want to do.