there are chickadees on the empty birdfeeder i can see thru the glass doors to the deck outside the dining room where i'm sitting.
they just go somewhere else to find more food; they don't sit and whine about how empty it is, how inconsiderate it is for us humans to put it up and then not keep it filled, or how they'd like to just poop all over it. just to show us.
now they see the food we threw out on the lawn, and they're trying to figure out a way to get to some of it before the crows all get it, without being beaten up by the crows. our crows are fracking HUGE... visitors from the south who come here usually exclaim when they first spot one: "WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT?!!"
again, the smaller birds are not focused on how they wish things were different; they're just waiting for an opportunity to get something they need.
i could take a lesson from them.
when i'm hurt, especially by words from people i care about, i get very very very angry first. then, i get depressed. in a way that feels not just like a hole opened up underneath me, but that there's a vortex a the bottom of it trying to pull me down.
all i can do at times, some of these times, is to A. keep breathing. ~not always my first choice, but always the best one. B. put one foot in front of the other; it will not help ME if i allow myself to succumb to complete inertia. ~i've been there; it wasn't fun or easy or relaxing; i just thought it might be, allowed myself to go there, and then had a Very hard time breaking out. C. get support. i stood and stared at the phone when finally all the painters and bff had left for an hour or two, and considered that i really didn't want to wake dh if she were still sleeping; she doesn't get much good sleep these days. ~~then the phone rang, before i even had a chance to turn away; and it was dh calling. just cause, she said. u sound tired and hurt, she said; come home for a couple of hours or go up and lie down to nap for one or two.
she even understood when i suggested it might worsen my physical pain today if i drove home ~over bumpy hilly winding roads~ 16mi home, n' 16mi back, n' worrying about bff's reaction when he returned home to maybe find me not here.
he tries to pretend he's all better, n then he does waaaay too much, like he did day b4 yesterday, n' then he pays for it by being pretty much immobilized for a day after that... 'cept he still forces himself to come down to the living room n' make sure everyone else is okay!
i will go home tonight, when i can at least stay much longer and get real hugs n' busses from my dh and all our myriad of kittehs n' pupz.
the big boxer boy is especially good at snuggling on the bed;
WHEN he's not scramblin' n' pokin' in All! directions with those Humongously long legs of his, lol !
THERE. i've cheered myself up!
i'm still depressed, but the room seems brighter, and i believe now that my nap will rejuvenate me, not just give me an excuse to hide under the covers for a bit.
NOW YOU GO HAVE A SPARKLY DAY! ~~AN' THAS' AN AWRDUR!