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    DRAGONCHILDE   58,536
50,000-59,999 SparkPoints

I should have been at my goal weight by now

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

When I started on this journey, more than a year ago, by this point I thought I would be at my goal weight. I thought I'd shed off the pounds, be fit as a fiddle, and running around at my high school weight. I didn't figure I'd wear a bikini or anything, (pregnancy made sure that the trainwreck that is my stomach is something I'm not comfortable showing to the world) but I thought for sure I'd at least be in a size 10 by now.

But I'm not.


Well, it comes down to a few things. Life. Stress. Lack of self control. Having a husband who is profoundly overweight. I could point my fingers everywhere. What it comes down to is that I didn't do what needed to be done.

But I don't consider myself a failure. In fact, I think I'm pretty successful, for all I still have 30 lbs or so to go.

I have kept the weight off. What I've lost, I've kept off. I haven't gone back to old habits.

Over the last year, I've learned to be healthy. I am not dieting or anything like that, and all those babysteps have added up to the point where I'm no longer afraid of maintenance. Heck, I maintained a steady weight for 6 months without even trying, when I fell off the wagon the last time.

So I'm losing slowly. I don't mind that. This has been a journey of education, of self-discovery. Of learning that I *like being healthy*, that I enjoy being fit. I'm fitter now than I have been since college, for all I'm still overweight. I'm not obese anymore. I'm proud of that progress. I'm wearing clothes that I look good in, I have self confidence, and most importantly, I haven't given up. I haven't done as so many people do and start, and then quit after a few months. I am not on the yoyo train, I haven't had to shed the same 10 lbs over and over again.

I think I'm doing well.

This feels like a turning point for me. I'm almost zen about it; I just feel philosophical. I've been fat for a long time. I've *felt* fat for a long time. I don't feel fat anymore. I still glare at my gut, and wish it would go away, but I don't frown or avoid the mirror, and I've caught myself checking out my butt a time or two.

So if it feels like your progress is achingly slow, look at the big picture. What matters isn't that you shed the weight to look good in a wedding dress, or for a reunion, or whatever special event you want to reach. It's not about fitting a bikini, or any of that. This is a journey of healthy living for life.

And suppose that I didn't lose a single other pound. I stayed right here, at 184, for the rest of my life.

You know what? I'm okay with that. It's not ideal, and I could be healthier, but as long as I stay active, eat right, I think I would be okay with whatever my weight is. As long as I can outrun my children, play with my dog, lift weights, and enjoy a very tasty slice of whole wheat toast with peanut butter... who cares what that stupid scale says?

I have to love me, no matter what my weight. What if I reach my goal weight, but I'm not happy with my body? It happens all the time. People somehow link a certain scale number with happiness, and they reach it, and discover that happiness doesn't magically fall from the sky.

To be successful in this journey, I think you have to do more than just lose weight. I think you have to work on the inside. Focus on that brain. If your brain isn't ready and able to cope with the journey, you won't make it to the end. And even if you do, you won't stay there. I think the reason so many people gain the weight back is because they never go their mind together.

So think about it. What can you do to get your brain in order? How can you change your mindset to be less about the scale?

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
VTRICIA 4/28/2013 7:47PM

    Very true. You know I think I was in maintenance in a lot of ways 2 months before got to goal weight. You're doing great.

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KRISKAY1962 4/16/2013 2:48PM

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ITSYBITSYMAMA 4/14/2013 12:17PM

  Great blog!I hHope some of that positive attitude rubs off on me :-)

You are so right that sometimes the goals we set ourselves do not hold the magic that we sometimes think it will. We need to learn to love ourselves for who we are, or how can we expect others to do the same?

Thanks for sharing.

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JGMARIE80 4/12/2013 10:33AM

  Great blog. Not putting back the pounds you've lost is a great accomplishment. I'm considerably still new to Sparkpeople -- only 38 days, and I'm trying to soak up what has worked and not worked for the members. I know I can fall off the wagon one day, and I also know that I can get back up on again as what some of the members did. Thanks for sharing. emoticon

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CLARK971 4/11/2013 7:23PM

    great blog!

you have a such a posittive attitude! emoticon

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LEMON2012 4/11/2013 7:52AM

    I LOVE this blog! Ironically we started & weight around same #. ;) Anywho! I have emoticon days where I almost feel desparation because I've been on this journey for so long...but its just that, a journey! And I've come SO far and will continue going! My resolve is increasing along the way. We are already victorious because we have persevered! Keep sparking my friend!

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BUBBLEJ1 4/11/2013 1:00AM

    Gotta appreciate the whole journey, even the bits that don't go to plan. You'll be a better person for it in the end!

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AKSCI2013 4/11/2013 12:30AM

    Hey it was wonderful reading your blog. R u a writer by profession? If not think about this as a career... emoticon emoticon

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BUNNYKICKS 4/10/2013 11:36PM

    Great attitude! I think you totally have your priorities straight. I like the point you make about "if i didn't lose another pound... you're ok with that" - that is such a healthy way of looking at things!

I just hate it when people negate all their progress because they didn't reach some arbitrary goal they set at the beginning of a journey. People lose 50 pounds but instead of feeling successful, proclaim themselves a failure because they'd started out intending to lose 60. People improve their fitness but berate themselves because they still can't get back into the skinny-jeans they wore in high school. Sigh!

I've noticed nobody ever sets out with a goal of "fitting into a size 14" - but geez why not?? We are not all destined to be size 6.... I have set my own goal to be size 10, but ya know... if i make it into that 14 and never lose another pound? I'm also ok with that :)

Thanks, I enjoyed this blog lots. :)

PS LOVE the opening graphic. Ha ha! Take that, scale!

Comment edited on: 4/10/2013 11:37:02 PM

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1STATEOFDENIAL 4/10/2013 7:28PM

    Great blog! This is something so many people don't realize, but upon reaching this 'aha' moment you're eloquent in explaining what this is and is not all about: being healthy not meeting some fantasized idea.

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KANSASROSE67 4/10/2013 1:19PM

    Great blog! I had to learn the same lessons over my SLOW weight-loss journey.


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JADOMB 4/10/2013 1:16PM

    Very true. Healthy is not a magic number but a lifestyle. You know it and you can do it. You lost weight and you maintained weight, that means you can continue on this journey and reach any goals you wish to reach. Maybe it is slower than you wanted, but then again, slow and steady wins the race. Enjoy your success and figure out what you want to do next, then do it. Keep the faith.

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SMILINGTREE 4/10/2013 1:11PM

    I've been on this Spark journey for about 3 year now, and honestly, I weigh a few pounds more now than I did when I started. But, I don't consider myself a failure, either. I've learned SO MUCH - about myself, about health, about nutrition, about the fact that "health" is comprised of more than a number on the scale.

No, you are definitely not a failure. You have succeeded at more than losing weight, and it seems that you have learned that some things are more important than losing weight.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and hoooraaay! for being healthy, and all that entails.

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MI-ELLKAYBEE 4/10/2013 1:09PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MICHELLEPHANT 4/10/2013 12:43PM

    You are wonderful! Keep moving forward, we are all walking along, and all have a different long as you do for YOU, you will be just fine!

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IMOJANE 4/10/2013 12:38PM

    Thank you for this blog. You've done extremely well and the journey is always there to set new challenges and keep changing and progressing! Loving the guns photo you have up!

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FELINEBETTER 4/10/2013 12:01PM

    Very, very well stated! Mindset is everything! emoticon emoticon

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NINJA_SMOO 4/10/2013 11:48AM


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LAILATN 4/10/2013 11:38AM

    Fantastic post. Getting your mind right is just as important as getting your body right - maybe even more so. It sounds like you've got a good handle on things. emoticon

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FIRECOM 4/10/2013 11:21AM

    GREAT BLOG/ You have pinpointed out how important to know that our goals and plans are NOT cast in stone. As you said, you don't feel fat. That is an important thing and you should revel in this.

I can tell that with your attitude, your altitude will be in line.


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LOVINGTORUN 4/10/2013 11:09AM

    Awesome blog! Just what I needed to read today. I was thinking the same thing the other day, would I be happy where I am the rest of my life, and thankfully I could answer yes for the same reasons. I do not have a perfect body, but it is a highly functional body, a healthy body and a beautiful body, what's not to like?

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Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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