Tuesday, April 09, 2013
Ok, forgive the ramble, I'm just trying to sort things out in my head.
I was really looking forward to a weekend at a friend's house. I anticipated a slight gain, but nothing horrific. So while I was planning on a great time with someone I've known all my life, there was a tiny part of me that was worried about how much damage I could do. Not obsessing at all; just collateral damage during an attempt to reconnect and lower stress. Barely a blip on the radar. It was planned. Zero guilt.
This morning the scale tells me I've undone that tiny 0.4 gain. And it hit me that the relief of zero guilt, while seemingly a good thing, points to something I need to fix.
Ok; understatement of the year. Or decade. Semi-century?
Negative feelings about food and my weight. Duh, right? How many overweight people don't feel guilt and shame? Show of hands? I didn't think so.
Point 1: I noticed feeling no guilt over a weekend away that I felt I "deserved" because I was stressed out.
Point 2: I was relieved to have lost the gained weight.
Conclusion 1: I really did feel guilty, or shameful. Or disappointed in myself.
Conclusion 2: I *really* need to figure out how to make food simply fuel for my body, and drop all the emotional baggage.
I know, we hear it all the time. We say it too. "No guilt, and move on." But it's just not that simple.