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6lb Gain --> 60lb Gain...

Monday, April 08, 2013

I'm trying to prevent my current 6 pound gain, 6 of those ^ from turning into 60.

For some of you, a 6 pound gain is a drop in the bucket. Even when I sit here saying it now, I know it's "only 6 pounds" and it can easily come off IF I do the work. But the problem is, I have not been doing the work. I also have several weight loss attempts under my belt, where a 40 pound loss ended up being completely wiped out in a few short months.

I know for me there is a very thin, brittle line between a 6 pound gain and a 60 pound gain. I know myself, and I am in the denial phase right now. I am in the "It's ONLY 6 pounds, it's okay. It's not like it's 10 or 20, you can turn this around, don't worry about it..." The problem with the denial phase, is telling myself a true statement, such as you can turn this around, but not following it up with an ACTION. I can turn it around, I can win the lottery, I can get struck by lightening, I can get to my goal weight... all of this can happen... can I win the lottery? Probably not. Can I get struck by lightening? Maybe, but I sure hope not... Can I turn this around and get to my goal? Yes, but not without the WORK.

60 pounds didn't fall off of me on one of my walks, it took a lot of work to lose it. And 60 pounds will pile on top of me if I keep eating fast food and sitting on the couch.

Confession time:

I mentioned struggling previously but it was very vague, let me go ahead and give you an idea of what that entails... By admitting this to you, I will be admitting it to myself which is very important.

emoticon: I lost my fitbit 3 weeks ago, my motivation to walk is apparently TIED to that fitbit. I think if I can find it, that will help SLIGHTLY.

emoticon: I have not been walking consistently at work. A lap or 2 here or there, but hardly any.

emoticon: I have not walked Sparky in about a week and a half. Yes, I feel terrible! My mom has taken him on my work days so he's gotten like 3 a week, bu the's used to his daily walks.

emoticon: There have been days where I've had MAYBE 8 ounces of water, ICK!

emoticon: Fast food, fast food, fast food! I don't even want to know what my credit card bill is going to say!

emoticon: Tight pants. I had to chose today between tight size 18's, and loose 20's and I picked loose 20's. That is not good folks!

emoticon: Emotional eating. Holy eating batman!

This one is huge, I am just in a very bad place emotionally. I have had my heart stomped on repeatedly over the last month. Lost a friendship with someone I've known 12 years, had not one but two boys use my heart as a punching bag, my beloved Sheldon is doing a little better but probably on his last legs, and of course the weight gain. The craziest thing, out of aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall of those things I mentioned above, the ONE thing that I can control the most, and honestly considering the situations the ONLY thing I can control is my weight gain or weight loss. I chose the path, I chose to sit on the couch eating Jack In The Box instead of eating something healthier and taking Sparky for a walk. The more I do this, the more it becomes my "new normal" and it took me over 6 months to make my healthy lifestyle my "new normal" and I am undoing all my hard work.

I feel like I have to relearn all those healthy habits. I can either relearn them now, sitting at 215 pounds, or I can relearn them at 250, 272, or even an all time high weight of 300. I do not want that. No one wants that.

I am starting on Thursday, and yes yes, I know, that sounds bad, but tough noogies. I have to ween myself onto this. Thursday I will track ALL food and water.. I will however take Sparky for his walk tomorrow night. By the time work rolls around on Saturday I want to have food prepared and ready to go and I need to find the blasted fitbit. I took my ipod on my own free will and now I really have NO excuse not to walk at work. I have my tunes and I need to use them.

I feel sluggish, I feel fat, I feel out of control and I hate it. I am sad for reasons beyond my control and now I need to make the best of the things I can control.

My goal for the end of April is to post a blog, to have at least SOME good news to report, and to weigh less than I do right now which is about 215. I can't give up on this fight, it is too important to me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I know you are going to get back on track. I am sorry for all that you have been going through but you are super duper sturdy and I know you will get the 6 lbs back off and you won't let it derail you. I am here for you.
    1647 days ago
    emoticon Way to stop the madness and make a plan to get back in the game. Carry 60 lbs of potatoes while at the store and think I don't want that back. Even to just lift it will be hard. Emotional Eating is my downfall and I understand that. But you're right You're worth all the hard work you have put in to just quit. You only fail if you quit.. if you keep going it will be okay , it might take time but you will SUCCEED .
    1651 days ago
    I feel like you and I just posted the exact same blog... This is what happened to me after BLC 17 ended... You come to that fork in the road and you can choose-Give up and gain EVERYTHING back plus some because it's "Too hard" to start again, or--Realize that even if you don't lose another pound in the next month, so long as you didn't gain anything, you've done an amazing job! :)
    1651 days ago
  • KELLY19770
    A very eye opening post. I am right there with you, and I am hoping you get your Spark back and soon. I'm glad you are making that realization 6 to 60 before you stick your head in the sand and *poof* it's 60 (I've done that many times myself).
    emoticon emoticon
    1651 days ago
  • EILEEN828
    So here you've let it all hang out. The big mental emotional exhale of all your pentup frustrations. That's fantastic! In fact, do some deep strong slow breathing and revel in the fact that you are at the bottom of it and now you will begin your rebound. This IS the pivotal moment of potential blow it all weight gain, OR, and yes it really is that easy, to ease yourself back to the path that has been working for you. Yes I DO know, I didn't listen to me when it was my pivotal moment, and I've said to myself ever since if only I had done immediate action at the 5lb. mark. Because it will always be, "it's ok it's just 5lbs" which you can say to the next 5lbs and the next until you lose track how many times you say it.
    Look at you, success! You are looking at it at exactly the right time to do it. Weight fluctuates, allow it. Let it run unhindered, I don't think so. You all know what happens when you run downhill, you fall. So look at the glass that is half FULL. You are catching yourself at the right time. You've done a great job of figuring out your distractions and deflations. Just know that you ARE a good person and things will look up soon.
    Best first thing to do is stop eating fast food, that alone is going to make you feel physically better. Also take Vit D (1000mg) and Magnesium (400mg) these two supplements make you feel like you have more energy (yes, really) And Yea! you have a dog. That's perfect. Do take him for walks, you'll give both of you exercise (hey did you notice Spring is here) and your dog is going to give you lot's of love. Just what you need. You're past the sore spot, so just get started, your momentum will pick up naturally. You might even try walking without any music and just work out some of your frustrations mentally when no one can bother you.
    I'm sorry to hear of your relationship difficulties, but remember, they are going to resolve the same way whether you eat too much or not. Don't let that influence the things you do to take care of yourself. Knowing that you are being careful about how you are treating yourself is going to feel very nurturing, a great thing when you have bruised emotions. Bruises do go away, and this will pass and knowing that is showing wisdom. Showing yourself nurturing love is also sign of wisdom and maturity. Some people never figure that out. Be glad you know and your life will be the better for it. Big hugs and big smiles for you. You can do it. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1651 days ago
  • KATYDID412
    I am right there with you and struggling to get back on track. I feel sluggish and fat and gross. We can get this back in check -- we must.

    I'm going to add you as a friend -- maybe we can support each other?
    1652 days ago
    I know we have talked about this but you know that I was doing the "it is only a few pounds gain" dance and now I am right back up to my start weight. Am I kicking myself? Well to be honest, I was but now I have restarted and I am moving forward. I don't want you to be in that same place. Onederland is calling you! You have a ticket for the train ride to get there. You just have to DO THE WORK to get to the station! emoticon I know that you know that it isn't emoticon 's and emoticon 's but the road is filled with many friends to support and encourage you along the way. We have all stumbled and well some of us have crashed and burned (many times)! The main thing is to not give up and to get back to doing the WORK that we know we need to do to get the job done!

    emoticon Here is a water bomb to help you get your water in!

    emoticon emoticon Here are you and Sparky getting your walk on!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Here are some healthy foods to get you eating better!

    emoticon emoticon

    Oh and last but not least...Those 6 pounds don't stand a chance! They will be gone soon enough along with more of their friends! emoticon
    1652 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/9/2013 9:48:19 PM
    Oh girl, I can so relate to much of this. Except I didn't stop at 6 and now I'm fighting like crazy to get it back off. I know you can do it - and I know you know that too! Hugs to you!!
    1652 days ago
    Stay strong and don't give up. I too have slipped recently and keep trying to get back on track. I know that if I keep trying eventually I will get back on track and you will too. I'm rooting for you.
    emoticon emoticon
    1652 days ago
    Definitely time to turn things around before you lose hope! I know all too well that "it's only a couple pounds.. that's not so bad" thought. But if you don't get right back into it, it can easily turn into a lot more. And then once you've gained so much more, you feel like "what's the point of trying?" And THEN things get really crazy. I'm not saying you will.. because I know you don't want to and will work hard not to.. But don't let those 60 come back. You have worked SO HARD to get to this point, and while you are beautiful no matter what you weigh, you are so much happier now that you have lost that weight. I have watched so many people start and give up. Shoot, I've started losing weight so many times and given up. We can't give up now! Can you imagine having to restart? Yuck. I won't give you grief for waiting til Thursday to get back into the groove.. but then it's time for you to kick it into high gear lady! You can do this!
    1652 days ago
    I can identify! It has happened to me; you have all of the knowledge and all of the intellect and all of the insight and the perception. So how can you transform that into action?

    I hope that you can use this blog as a springboard to try to get rid of those 6 pounds and then to keep on going. If you do anything else, it will only make things worse.

    Take good care of yourself! I'll be thinking of you. emoticon
    1652 days ago
    emoticon It looks like you've analyzed your issues and have created a plan to deal with them. That is the hardest part. Hang in there!
    1652 days ago
    I know EXACTLY what you mean. And whereas I know this may not sound so inspirational...hear my heart...that is exactly how the weight comes back. It happened to me. I didn't lose near the amount you have...I had lost close to 30lbs in the end of 2011....I got depressed and was going through all these different issues in my personal life and next thing I was back. I don't want you to go through the same thing I have. Luckily I have not passed my starting weight..but I am still back at it. I have lost a few lbs here and there since last year but I keep staying at the same now I am starting all over. You CAN get through this! I know you can! Believe in yourself...say affirmations...list things your grateful for...anything you can do to keep your spirit up. I am an emotional eater as well so I KNOW how hard this all is and I don't want to see you go through what I've gone through having to start all over again. You have proven you have what it takes. I am in your corner and rooting for you! And if you ever need to talk..just private message me. I'm a good listener...and I don't judge. Nothing surprises me either. If you knew half the crap I went through last year you would understand where I'm coming from. Lol. Best wishes chica! :) emoticon
    1652 days ago
    Just stumbled on your blog and I wanted to say that you are amazing! Thank you for being honest and consequently very inspiring. Keep up the good fight. I'm rooting for you!!
    1652 days ago
    I completely 100% understand. I know that if my schedule changes in the slightest, all hell breaks loose and I just kinda throw my hands up in the air in defeat.

    My dad lost his job in November and was out of work until the end of February. Since then I have stopped working out (he is like a vampire, sucking away all energy and will to do anything, even my mom feels it). Plus he has very different eating habits, so every day (like 6 time a week at minimum) I was getting fast food or restaurant food, because my dad hates to eat alone. I also lost my pet. And moved. And gained 13 pounds....

    SO I understand. But this time I am starting small. Focusing on just doing something physical, like yoga for a couple of minutes (and that lovely squat challenge via tumblr). I am also eating at home now, and focusing on food more than working out right now, because I know that is my down fall.

    Slow and slower are my mottos on getting back on the band wagon.

    Good luck with getting back to everything "spark-y" (not to be confused with your dog). Have a good one!
    1652 days ago
    You can do it. At least you're realizing this. Remember how much "just a few pounds gained back" turned into 53 lbs? I don't want it to happen to you. You are a wonderful person and we are all here for you!
    1652 days ago
    Rooting for you. I lost about 40lbs- yay but because I didn't nip my emotional eating in the bud am almost back to my starting weight. Don't let that happen to you.

    It doesn't feel good. It hurts that all of that effort was lost in a matter of months. All of those clothes that were once so loose you were about to dip into a lower size no longer fits, in fact you can't even close it. The comfort food got me through the rough patches but now I'm paying the price. You've made such great progress- keep at it:)

    Be strong, you can do it. Get back in there and keep trying. Every good choice counts.
    1652 days ago
    1652 days ago
    I know how you feel and what you are going though! This is not an easy journey, if it was we would all look like twigs! I too have a horrible fast food addiction as well as soda, mt.dew is a huge one for me. I have been on and off of here more times then consistently on, and I will gain 10 say I'm done, lose 5 then slip and fall and not get back up for a month or so. I have found this awesome website that you can set up to have text messages sent to you, or emails if you prefer in the future so you can send yourself reminders. I currently have set it up every day twice a day one in the morning telling me to get off my butt and do something and one at night telling me to get on here. And I have done it in the past via email and did find that it helped a lot. I think with the text messages, it will help me more. I don't have a fibbit but I do have a suggestion about that. If you have a smart phone there is an app called runkeeper, and it tracks your walks/runs by GPS. I find it motivating because I want to know how far I've walked, and then you can upload the information to facebook if you want, and I found as well that the calories they say you burn pretty much match up with the ones SP say you did at the same time so it's got to be generally correct. I also found an app today that you can monitor your heart rate on which I also think is pretty cool. I know the fibbit probably has all that information together, but until you find yours there is another way! I would love to be you buddy if you would let me. I have found that text buddies are awesome in keeping you motivated and awesome at cheering you on. If you want let me know and I will send you my number

    Don't get discouraged you can do this and you are amazing down 60 lbs that is no small thing!!!
    1652 days ago
    1. I am so proud of you for writing this blog. It's so much easier to slinky off into the distance get fat and grow old.

    2. Way to man up to your troubles. Recognising them as what they are is such a brave thing to do. You are a very self aware person and I think that makes these types of recognisations even harder on a person.

    3. Yes! Ease into this. Small steps = victory. Can I also suggest, in love, that you stop looking at the scale for a little bit? Not long, just shift your focus from weight loss to health improvement. I'll make a suggestion, but you must do what you feel is best for you! I think you need to make this FUN again. I like little "detox" plans with goals and tasks to focus on during the day. For example: Maybe spend the next 2 weeks in a "detox"- Monday we drink a crapload of water, Tuesday we watch for 5-8 servings of veggies and fruit, Wednesday we focus on getting Sparky on his walk and doing one extra thing for activity, Thursday we prep our meals for the week ahead, Friday, we journal our thoughts, etc. Maybe by giving yourself small goals during the day will help make this fun again. I think that all the emotional crap you've had to deal with has really stolen your joy, and you gotta find that again! Think about taking Sparky to the park and bringing along your favourite soul refreshing book, or something, to rejuvenate your spirit this week?

    We so often think of this as a physical weightloss journey, but it's SO much more than that. It's about your soul growth, your emotional journey (hell, it's not easy going from 'invisible' to hottie) and your human growth as a person, just as much as it is about going from X lbs to Y lbs. It's all linked. It's possible to have one without the other, but in terms of weightloss, I personally, don't think it's possible to lose so much weight, stay the same, and keep it off.

    You've changed girl. You're just catching up to yourself. Trust who you've become- she knows how to make good choices, how to motivate herself, and where to make ridiculously awesome cat memes. You know how in science class our teachers would talk about homeostasis, and how our bodies/things in nature like to stay in balance, unchanged? That's all this is, the fight to let new Steph be who she wants to be, not who she was before.

    1652 days ago
    You can do this. Hopefully getting it out helped you feel better. I feel your pain and have gained 7 pounds myself. I won't burden you with my troubles as you have your own right now, but just know you are not alone. I too have felt lately like throwing in the towel, but my spark friends keep me trying.
    emoticon emoticon
    1652 days ago
    Wow! You are sooo close to onederland ! Which is not the point of your blog but it's what I noticed right away. Hard not to look that direction and wonder if part of your fear is about that. Just a thought.


    I know you realize that exercise will improve your mood -

    and taking Sparky for a walk tomorrow sounds like an awesome way to start your updated plan!

    hope you find your fitbit!

    emoticon .. emoticon .. emoticon

    1653 days ago
    You poor thing. I just feel for you so much right now. I think we've all been where you're at and it SUCKS.

    You seem aware of what you're doing and that's important. You're admitting to yourself that you're dissatisfied with what you're doing and I think that can go a long way. It's hard when you disappoint yourself, and you can be harder on yourself than anyone else can be (and I mean everyone does this).

    I think if you keep logging in to SP, that will really help. I think it would be difficult to gain back all the weight if you're still on SP and involved. I think it's when people log off and disappear for a few months is when they gain the weight back.

    I really think you can do it. You've hit a rough patch, and that's perfectly fine, but I think things will improve in your life and you'll find the motivation and the push you've been looking for to continue with your weight loss journey.

    We're all here if you need us. :)
    1653 days ago
    Emotional eating is, for lack of a better term, a bi**h. You are not alone - I struggle with it all of the time.Sometimes I win, sometimes the cookies/cakes/chips or whatever wins. I wish I had more words of wisdom for you.


    1653 days ago
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