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Even through your pain

Monday, April 08, 2013

I was on my should be daily walk today thinking about when I was fat back during my rubber room days dating Dave when I hit 195 pounds back in 2009-2010 school year. I did somehow have 17 months of perfect attendance which, somehow I have to do again. I was thinking about my friend Brian and how he got me walking again every day. Nothing fancy, just a few miles every day walking. We really tend to underestimate the power of a little daily walk. Every single day we walked together at lunch, he never let me miss a day. That's how everything starts to change, little daily things like that. I haven't figured out what to do in the morning yet when I wake up sick now that I know what is wrong. I'll be getting on that now that I know. I had a bit of an attack today and that ended my idea of getting to work 100% of the last 4 months. I'll be fine if this is the only other day I miss this year. I wish I was able to get through this morning, but I didn't and I'll learn how so this won't happen again. I'm going to have to figure out how to raise the head of my bed here.

In addition to thinking about walking during my walk and how good and simple it is, I had a crazy thought. I kept thinking of all these starting overs and redoing everything and new beginnings all the time and then I thought to myself, "when do I start to love myself again"? Well it dawned on me the answer is, duh, now. Right here and right now. And why not? Things are great right now. Only 58 days of work left until summer vacation. I set up some beautiful window herbs, my house looks great and my new furniture is coming on Saturday. I've gotten rid of a lot of the stuff in here already, the ottoman and most of the pillows I've tossed. Everything is really fine right so, yes it's fine to love myself, there is no start date for that. The love doesn't come on a certain date, or weight or accomplishment. It doesn't come with a permanent job, the new furniture or with the house keeper. Love doesn't have to wait for any of those things. Love doesn't even have to wait for your pain or self doubt or struggle, it can be there through all of those things. Through your entire transformation, on every step of your journey, you don't have to wait to love yourself. Start now.

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