Monday, April 08, 2013
Last week I posted two goals on my feed, one was to stay out of the candy dish at work and the second one was to track my food every day. I stayed out of the candy dish (by the way, the candy dish is on my desk and I am the one that keeps it full). Friday was the hardest day to stay out of it, it was slow at work and I was having an emotional day, but I made it through with no candy from the candy jar. Quite an accomplishment wouldn’t you say? Not really and here is why. I also tracked my food for 6 ½ of the 7 days. I gave up yesterday evening, not a good food day, which brings me to my point, even though I stayed out of the candy dish, my food intake was nothing to be proud of. Now, as I wrote the goal to track my food every day, I purposely did not set the goal of “staying within my calorie range”. I wanted to stay within my calorie range, but lately, I have wanted food more. So, this was my way of trying to see the good vs. the bad.
The bad part was, for instance, at Panda Express, my norm is steamed rice, steamed veggies and teriyaki chicken. Now, I asked them for only one scoop of rice, extra veggies and usually when they say, “do you want double meat”, I say no. Last week, I said sure, why not. I knew I shouldn’t have, I knew I was going to go over my calories for the day but I did it anyways. I wanted to food more. However, if I look at the bigger picture, or the good part, I still chose the healthier option, I could have chosen a million other bad for me items, but thinking about the tracker and my calories always brings me back to reality.
Now, I said my food was less than stellar last week right which brings us to Wednesday, when I was trying to figure out what to have for dinner, I thought Carl’s Jr. If I am being bad, why not go all out right? Yes and no. I wanted a burger, but I opted for the charbroiled fish sandwich, but instead of passing on the fries, not only did I have them, when the person asked me if I wanted medium or large, what do you think I said, large. My mind wanted food more, but the tracker brought me back to reality. Now, as I was sitting in the drive thru waiting for me food, I also asked myself another important question, “you are trying to solve a problem with eating, what is really bothering you?” You see, I know I am emotionally eating; I just don’t seem to ever get to the bottom of the why? So, I started thinking some things through and realized that I was worried about something with a friend, and instead of actually dealing with the emotion I was not only eating, but I was lying in bed each night when I came home from work. At the end of the day, the something with the friend turned out to be absolutely nothing, and the rest of the week with food was much of the same. I did manage to get myself up and out of bed this weekend and exercised, but in the end I still wanted the food more.
I will say, that even though I did not want to track the food because I did not want to see the damage I was doing, I did it anyway. If I am not being honest with myself, then I am never going to reach my goals. So, that brings us to today, Monday, a new week. In my feed I posted, “a new week, gonna make it a good one” and I intend too. My goal for this week is to start digging into the issue of “why do I want the food more?”