Stumbling, Falling, and Getting Back Up
Monday, April 08, 2013
Once upon a time, I went from being about 225lbs (very rough, as I don't remember anymore nor do I have any diaries that would tell me) to 185lbs. The year was 2006, and I was losing weight so that I could be eligible for a special program. A college friend of mine had given me her old Weight Watchers booklets and materials so I could follow that program.
In the beginning, it was kinda tough, as you would expect. The biggest shock was - duh - portion sizes. The second biggest was - duh - how many calories were in the junky foods I liked. Trimming those two items and then bulking up in fruits and veggies and water really helped me. I had more energy. I felt sexy. I did a lot more walking. All in all, I felt great.
And then I stumbled. I don't remember exactly what it was - Halloween candy or the holidays? Was it the fact our team was denied entry into the special program and I lost motivation to lose weight? Or was it how I turned the occasional treat into the routine lunchtime trek to get a cookie or a chocolate bar or some other naughty thing?
However it began, I would eat something I shouldn't and realize I totally blew my WW allowance. "Oh well, this happens, I'll restart tomorrow." And then tomorrow would come, and I would blow my WW allowance again. After enough time, instead of moving forward, plunging along, I threw in the towel. I thought I needed a break - but a break was honestly the last thing I needed.
If I had to name one and only one thing that trips me up the most when losing weight, it is the mistakes, the "giving up". When I decide to eat that pint of ice cream instead of scooping out a serving. When I eat something naughty at a restaurant. When I indulge in too many Halloween candies. The problem isn't really that I indulge in what I shouldn't have - it is that after I've done it, I give up. That is how I went from 185lbs to 268lbs; that is why I've never been within my BMI as an adult.
Giving up is like saying I can't control my urges. Giving up is saying that food is more important to me than being healthy. Giving up is turning my back on all the progress I've made - the small hurdles I've jumped to get where I am.
As of today, I've lost 67lbs and am a mere 2 pounds away from being 199 for the first time in almost SIX years. This journey hasn't been easy - I've made a lot of sacrifices. I've had to say "No" to a lot of foods (and drinks!) I would much rather have said "YES" to. It's been challenging to find ways to accommodate my diet needs at parties or restaurant outings.
But then I think about the things I have gained. I went shopping last weekend and fit into size 14 jeans! I haven't worn that size since...I was 14!! I have more energy to walk - which I do at lunch frequently. Little things from more room in an airplane to not having as much trouble tying my shoes, there are so many positives from my losing weight.
Right now, stumbling really isn't an option. My diet is pretty strict (meal replacements), and I haven't really been too tempted to break it. But the time will come when I am no longer on meal replacements and I will have temptation all around me. And the question I need to ask: what is more important - the food that is with me for a moment on my lips and forever on my hips, or the great feeling of success, of being healthy, of living my life the way I want to?
In the future, when I stumble and/or fall, I don't want to lie there and give up; I want to get back on my feet, dust myself off, and plunge on ahead.