Sunday, April 07, 2013
The next part of this exercise has me deciding what my future self would tell me at this moment if she was to reach back into the past and give me a phone call.
What I would tell myself at this point is, life requires that you get more independent and creative. These are scary things, but completely accomplishable and doable, and your life will be so much the richer for it. Sure getting a car is a scary, big expense, but the wheels will do so much for your life. Forrest, Nan, other friends, and your parents aren't going to be around forever. If you want to maintain your quality of life you are going to have to get creative. Being independent also prevents you from being at someone's mercy that requires large amounts of payment or who feels used by your needs.
It is okay to stand up for yourself and for having healthy relationships or none. No amount of afterthoughts and warm fuzzies make the occasional threat to yourself or your partner okay. It is alright to stand up for and to look for positive relationships. It is alright to let go of those relationships when they quit being healthy or positive.
You will find friends in your area if you work really hard at it. You will find people with your values and your beliefs and they will value you. Sick friendships are not worth the drain they cause spiritually, mentally, and the physical toll the stress takes on you. They are worse than none. Always look for soulmates in everything you do and everywhere you go. Remember that some people are gifted to you for a time and then you have to let them go on to another phase in their life. For all concerned. It does no good to let others treat you or your other half badly and it teaches them that bad manners are okay to use with other people as well.
I would tell myself, regardless of how many friends I have, to keep up the good work with the diet and exercise and healthy living. I would say it is worth it to keep up your appearance and to go on and make the best out of every moment. I would tell myself to take extra care of your other half. For people that understand you that well, there is only one granted you in a lifetime, and he is yours. Respect him, nurture him, and do as much to support his health as you can, because you only get one.
I would say that health is worth the effort of calorie restriction and extra exercise. I would say that I treasure each additional day I can spend with my family. I would say that my early effort to reduce my weight has resulted in me being able to use my joints longer without restrictions and difficulty in movement. I enjoy being able to eat freshly made entrees and salads made from scratch and the tastes of new foods that I've only learned about making through the changes I've experienced in my diet over the 10 years, and I would tell myself so.
I would enjoy dancing and moving swiftly. I would tell myself that I enjoy being attractive to my partner, even if religiously we are merely affectionate to each other instead of being sexually engaged. I would tell myself that it is worth it, to see the smile on his face when I come up with a new outfit or look or perfume that I like.
I would tell myself that the expense of a gym was worth it. As soon as I am able to save up and be consistent attending a place to go for it. I enjoy the treadmill, the machines, the balance ball, the kickboxing, the pool.. everything but the elliptical.. and even that is becoming more tolerable as time goes on. I enjoy packing my gym bag and looking for gently used exercise clothing at Goodwill, even though I could fit a normal store's sizes now.