Fighting my demons again...and getting back to the gym
Sunday, April 07, 2013
What a week it has been. I spent the majority of the week in pain, trying to be careful and not miss any work. It brought me back to the reality of my life very quickly. I saw myself going back to bad habits. I was eating in bed, not measuring food, spending way too much time in bed and just starting to feel hopeless.
As someone who has struggled with depression for years, I recognize that everyone who has depression experiences it differently. I also know that it can hit without warning. This week I suddenly felt hopeless, like it didn't matter whether I fixed my health or not. And it got really bad on Friday. Since Friday I haven't felt like doing anything. Just the idea of how much I had to get accomplished this weekend was overwhelming and I couldn't get myself to start on my to-do list. I hate that feeling. This morning I literally dragged myself out of bed and forced myself to get something accomplished.
Being sick and being in pain over the past two weeks has been so hard, and it reminds me that I have to take each day one at a time, not be afraid to ask for help and most importantly, not beat myself up for my mistakes. Depression is something that I might have to live with for years and years to come, but knowing what tools are available to me to continue to be successful is empowering. I still don't feel my best, but I am proud of what I did accomplish. In the past I would have dwelled on what I didn't get done yesterday and allowed that to rob me of my accomplishments today. So I give myself a pat on the back for focusing on the future, looking toward what is possible tomorrow instead of what went wrong yesterday.
And I made to back to the gym today, which was a HUGE accomplishment for me. I have a calendar in my hallway and every day I work out I put up a sticker, so track my progress and remind myself that I'm doing something good. But for the past two weeks, there have been only two stickers on the calendar. So today I decided that I was going to add some color to the very blank April calendar. It felt really good. I did three sets of all my strength training exercises and got some cardio done as well. I hope it helps me to sleep better tonight and stay motivated tomorrow.
I am writing this blog while the dishwasher is running and my laundry is finishing. I got my accounting homework done and updated homework for my students. I like this productive version of myself. So, with this day almost over, I am focusing on the upcoming week and setting new goals:
1. No tv this week.
2. Do cardio six times this week.
3. Do strength training twice this week.
4. Measure my food. Everything!
5. Make a priority to blog my progress every day.
I'm just about at day 100 of this new lifestyle and down 38 pounds. That still shocks me to no end. Twelve pounds to go by June 15. First 5k the first weekend of May.
I am just going to keep moving forward, and take each day as it comes. Thanks for the support everyone!