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    MTRACHEL   33,286
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Sunday, April 07, 2013

Twice a week, I go early to this killer workout with women who are 10 years younger and 10 times as fit as I am. It's great and I hear music I wouldn't listen to otherwise, like Pink. Pink has some great workout tunes, but the one called "Who Knew" would always choke me up mid push up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch
?v=2SKEp-H0Eqs

So in my efforts not to stuff my emotions down with food, I'll take a minute to write about it.

My crazy lady friends and I are going for a snowshoe weekend next weekend. Three years ago, we went to the same place to celebrate our dear friend Kate's 40th birthday. We were all there then...Deb, Janet, Kate, Rachel and Jan. So when the line in the song that says "If someone said three years from now you'd be long gone.." comes around, I think, I shake, I rage at what has to be..who knew that our dear Jan wouldn't be with us anymore?


But here we are, and I'm proud of us. We go on. We walk, we breathe, we stretch our arms out wide at the top of the mountain, and somehow Jan is there with us.


I have this whole list of reasons that I don't talk about this...top of the list..I never want to sound like I'm in the middle of my own pity party and I never want to sound like I'm not aware of all the suffering that goes on in the world everyday. I know to 'count my blessings now' and I do.

Even so, I read somewhere, what's the worst kind of grief? Answer: your own. It's the kind that will make someone like me eat to cover it up.

Changing that. Right now.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CATNCAG 1/22/2014 4:31PM

    Sorry, to hear about your dear friend but unfortunately I can totally relate. My best friend that I literally grew up with passed away about 3 years ago. She was only 39. This was totally unexpected as I thought she would outlive me. She was a year younger than me & was a normal weight whereas I am "Morbidly Obese!"

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SUPERSYLPH 8/2/2013 12:33PM

    I'm very sorry. I'm glad you wrote about it instead of eating about it. Win!

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MONTREAL12 7/24/2013 10:53AM

  Great Outing; thanks for sharing emoticon

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WHITEANGEL4 6/17/2013 3:11PM

    This is always a reminder of the close people that we have lost. Keep your memories close and open to the love that was and will always be there

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PURRGURL 5/4/2013 11:28AM

    emoticon

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EFFRAYECHILDE 5/1/2013 8:45AM

    emoticon

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MTRACHEL 4/18/2013 8:20PM

    thanks to each of you for taking the time to post and share something about yourselves. This blog really helped me along in my healing and it was a surprise to see so many comments. peace!

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SLIMLEAF 4/17/2013 3:56PM

    Thank you for writing this.

That song always really hurts me too.

My darling husband, with whom I'd enjoyed five wonderful years of marriage (the best years of my life), suddenly dropped the bombshell one day (just over two years ago) that he was leaving. And he did. Just like that.

Absolutely heart-breaking and, as the song says, I'd never have believed it would happen to us.

Grief is hard to deal with, isn't it? But it is proof that our love was real and indeed that our love still IS real.

God bless you.

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MCJULIEO 4/17/2013 12:30PM

    Aching along with you.... but how bittersweet to think that some people have no one to be that close to... your group of close friends will help to get you through...

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MARYBETHMORGAN 4/16/2013 10:44AM

  I have lost several people that I love and know how much that can keep you from wanting to persevere. Great job for you for continuing on!

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MERRYMERRY6 4/14/2013 2:09PM

    emoticon

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GZELLEFRO 4/13/2013 6:17PM

    Awesome! I cannot even imagine that kind of a loss.

I'm glad you've identified at least one of the triggers for your eating issues. That's at least half the battle! Way to go!!! emoticon

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RENATA144 4/13/2013 9:34AM

  Well done !!! emoticon

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LEANMEAN2 4/13/2013 6:44AM

    Thanks for sharing.

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GRAMPIAN 4/12/2013 5:52AM

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KALEWINE 4/11/2013 9:07PM

    emoticon

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CJYOUCANDOIT 4/10/2013 8:37AM

    Sorry you lost your friend. Keep her memory in your heart and celebrate her each time you get together in some way. Keep working through it. How lucky you are to have a group of ladies to have fun with. Take care of each other.
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JSEATTLE 4/9/2013 7:08PM

  Life is short and filled with sorrow. Live each joyful moment to the fullest!! Thank you for reminding me to Carpe Diem!

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WORKNPROGRESS49 4/9/2013 5:24PM

    emoticon

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TOKIEMOON 4/9/2013 5:21PM

    Keep her memory alive and use SP blogs to continue to express your grief. emoticon

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MANILUS 4/9/2013 4:23PM

    It is healthy to express our emotions to people who support us and to exercise instead of eating. Jan would be proud that you are dealing with her passing in a healthy fashion and getting out there for some fitness. Sorry for your loss and may you find peace in memories.

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MARILYNROBERT 4/9/2013 1:40PM

    I'm sorry Jan is no longer with you. And I'm glad you could share you feelings with us. We hold too much in, too often.

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ROBERTAISSARIS 4/9/2013 1:24PM

  Great story - inspiring! Your story choked me up, too. It's true that the worst type of grief is your own. But that you keep going on, and doing the things you enjoyed together, is a testament to your love. And Jan is with you. She is in your heart forever. Thank you for sharing your story emoticon

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NELLBELLA26 4/9/2013 1:22PM

    Beautiful and touching. It's perfectly ok to grieve. Nothing pity party about it. Love the photo!

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LILORITA 4/9/2013 12:30PM

    emoticon emoticon

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IACTA_ALEA_EST 4/9/2013 9:39AM

    yeah, who knew? I send my heartfelt empathy in her parting.

Keep on sparkin!

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SPUD3193 4/9/2013 8:48AM

    emoticon

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LIFETIMER54 4/9/2013 6:39AM

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BANNERMAN 4/9/2013 2:35AM

  Thanks for sharing

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BLUEJEAN99 4/9/2013 1:42AM

    emoticon

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ILIKETOZUMBA 4/9/2013 12:11AM

    Powerful song! Thank you for this really thoughtful and thought-provoking blog. Off to count my own blessings now...


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MARYJEANSL 4/9/2013 12:06AM

  I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I hope your memories are of some comfort - and I'm sure she would be very happy to know you are not finding solace in overeating.

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NETTYDAWG 4/9/2013 12:00AM

    Such a beautiful blog.. thank you. Here's to the memories and the strength you have found!


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JAMER123 4/8/2013 11:53PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. You are doing a wonderful job of keeping her memory going and working through your grief. It is a hard thing to do. Take care!!
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NANADEE44 4/8/2013 11:47PM

    Opening your heart and talking about your loss is a wonderful way to help you heal and move forward. You are honoring her memory by carrying on an activity she loved along with you. It would be a shame to stay away from the things you shared with Jan.

Thanks for sharing this blog.

Music is life; life is music.


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SHOAPIE 4/8/2013 11:37PM

    Hugs.

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SPEEDY143 4/8/2013 10:51PM

    emoticon

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CLAYARTIST 4/8/2013 10:41PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon mmmm

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CAROLJ35 4/8/2013 10:40PM

    Yes, I'm sure Jan is with all of you in Spirit. How nicely you have stated this!

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ROCKYCPA 4/8/2013 10:18PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JUNEAU2010 4/8/2013 9:10PM

    Not pity - I think it's a wonderful way to honor your friend and salute the richness she brought to your life. Sharing a joyful memory while the anniversary is tinged with sadness is completely understandable. It shows your heart and that is not a bad thing!

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JOANNHUNT 4/8/2013 9:10PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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A-DAY-AT-A-TIME 4/8/2013 8:55PM

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JEANNINEMM68 4/8/2013 8:35PM

    I am grieving the death of my father and I am also dealing with my oldest son graduating and going to college. I am not good at letting people know I am in pain so I admire you and your response.

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SIMPLYABUNDANT 4/8/2013 8:26PM

    Bless you! I am dealing with grief myself, and admire your response so much. You are cherishing your memories, but moving on and embracing your own life, and I will strive to do more of that myself. (61...and LOVE Pink!)

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KARRENLYNN 4/8/2013 8:16PM

    I'm sorry for your loss, but at the same time maybe one of the positives is that you do count your blessings because you know that they could be gone before you know it.

Karen

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4KWALK 4/8/2013 8:10PM

    Your honest emotion will help many others deal with their hurt. I hope just writing this blog helped you as well. emoticon

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CMFARRELL36 4/8/2013 7:39PM

    Thanks for sharing.
A "stiff upper lip" kind of attitude really doesn't work well, for moat folk.
Reach out, touch someone - you know this for yourself to reach out, for yourself to touch somebody, somehow.
So now it's time to pay it forward - forget that stiff upper lip stuff. Get out there and smile at somebody, say hello, speak to someone.....
And reap the rewards, even if it is just your own feel-good factor.


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NEWTINK 4/8/2013 7:13PM

    The greatest thing that I have finally learned is that when you are emotional like me you have to deal with that emotion and move forward . I taught myself to walk instead of eating my emotions . I am sorry for you loss but I am happy that you find peace with your friends. emoticon

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L1ZB3TH354 4/8/2013 7:11PM

    You are honoring her memory in an awesome way. Jan would be proud!

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