Sunday, April 07, 2013
I’ll take ownership of that! I did it! I was wrong! I made a good choice! I will take ownership of what happened.
On “Project Runway” recently, stern but glamorous fashion model Heidi Klum asked contestants to “take ownership” of their work—whether it was flawed or divine. I realised that I habitually don't take ownership of much in my life.
I never really took ownership of my body and its weight. I used to say and think and even believe at some level things like: “Those cookies FLEW into my shopping cart” or “Those potato chips BEGGED to find a new home with us”. “Ben and Jerry insisted on being my therapist”. “That candy ended up in my shopping bag via a stealth mission of which I was unaware”.
I gained so much weight because fattening food aggressively insisted on entering my body and I had to stand by, passively obeying the tyranny of the pushy white carbs. It was not my fault that a “corps de doughnuts” ended up in my kitchen dancing enticingly tempting ballets. But I never said: “Those carrots bludgeoned their way into my shopping cart” or “That celery insisted on coming home with me.” The mind is selective, indeed.
I’ve been doing well recently and I have the same kind of passive sensibility: “My dryer insists on making things bigger, not shrinking things”. “My underpants insist on falling to the floor when I put them on”. “My blue jeans did not play fair—they won’t stay up anymore”. Then there’s “The elliptical machine just decided to get a lot easier” or “The treadmill gave up providing resistence and its inclines are no good.”
It’s all one. I am the unwitting passive victim of aggressive food that is begging to be eaten; now that I am losing weight I am the unwitting victim of clothing that fails to fit.
I’ve got to take ownership of this! I gained weight because I made some desperate choices. I have lost some weight because I made some good choices. The potato chips never entered into a conspiracy with the cookies to get adopted. My clothing never entered into an initiative with the dryer to get bigger. And the gym equipment never made tacit agreements to “get easier”.
Yes, it’s time to take ownership of my body, its weight, and its ability to work out better and harder. Yes, it’s time to take ownership of what ends up in my shopping cart.