Saturday, April 06, 2013
I started out good, then I think I blew it. I've been bingeing because I don't deal well with death or with somebody dying. I guess I shouldn't get ahead of myself,my brother is still here although for how long, nobody knows. That and an ongoing tiff with the occupiers( definitely not neighbours, I don't think they know the meaning of the word) the overall negativity about my brother's cancer from my SO, and I tipped. I ate a whole row of Oreo cookies, it's taken me approximately 3 days to finish the bag, fooling myself that I have some sense of self control. My weight hasn't budged from 184 in over a week or two so I'm wondering if I'm reaching a plateau so early and what to do, if I should look at my food choices. I've been eating more vegetables but SO insists on having nothing to do with veggies and the protein has pretty much come from packaged or processed foods or takeout. I guess I can't eat "normally" and should be looking at other alternatives. I'm just not that enthusiastic about prepping and making homemade food and SO is implying that it doesn't really matter (thanks for the support, notice that my stomach is going down but couldn't care less how I got that way). I really feel like there's no one in my corner when it comes to what I'm trying to do to lose weight. "Normal" food is just not going to cut it, I think. I know if I have more access to healthier foods that i would eat them, I'm not averse to it. I just have to find the time and breathing space to look at what I'm doing and how to deal. Right now I feel like I have neither of those things. I don't want to start over and I don't want to give up. I really have come a long way and I don't want to turn back now.