but I must admit I enjoyed every, single chocolatey moment of it. Friends, I believe I have found my Achilles heel.
It's ok though because months ago, I would've have eaten, I kid you not all 3,500 calories worth.
This time the appeal was not quite as strong, and I rejoice. For the moment.
Whew...I am pleased with my results so far, but sometimes get very fearful I will revert into my old habits. If this was my first time losing weight I probably wouldn't feel so frightened, but alas this is my third attempt at a major weight loss.
I do feel this time is different. Everything just feels so different, and for the first time in my life, I desire to do things by the book,
not some fad diet, or get slim quick scheme, yet I wonder. I wonder if those demons
are just a binge away or in the heat of the moment I'll just collapse.
I guess I could prepare now. If that does happen, I could always get back up, right? I could always simply say, yes, Rachel, you binged, ain't no doubt about that, you're stomach is sick, you're ready to explode because you've eaten too much, but you are still here. There is still life running through your veins, so what the hay, how about trying once more, for ol' times sake. Er... something like that. Lol, I dunno. I just want to make sure what ever I'd tell myself will be nice and encouraging and not involve abusing myself mentally or worse yet, with food.
It is an uphill battle for me, I suppose because the claws of this addiction got in so deep, so early. I've accepted it is most likely always going to be a sore spot, a spot to really watch, however, today is a new day, so today I decided to get back on track.
I did not binge although I could feel that demon near by. I am happy for the victory, but soberly reminded that being addicted to anything, including delicious food, could be just a breath away.
In the meantime, I think I'll relax, eat my spinach salad, have a glass of diet Coke and remember it's good to win, to succeed, but it's also ok to fail.
Personally, I have always learned much more from my failures than anything else in my life.