Saturday, April 06, 2013
Ive had a horrible night. Epic fail.
I am trying to chalk it up to just being that week where I am totally out of whack in every department! Im emotional, hungry and tired, yet I cant sleep.
I've been up since 4AM. Last night at work they had a meat and cheese tray for safety award. I could not stop myself. I had a sandwich at break and one at lunch and OMG the cheese. Have I ever mentioned that cheese is something I crave more than chocolate or sweets?
I did 72 minutes on my bike yesterday morning then went to work and blew it. ARRRGGG!
I got on the scale a bit ago, and well bahahaha. It wasn't pretty. BUT, I know that it is the outcome of all of these things. Sleeplessness and stuffing my face with salty fat things. Im retaining water. Next week things will even out and I'll be in track again but this still sucks!
My son called me the other day from Fort Gordon GA. He's in the army. We've been through a lot with him the past year. His dad and I divorced when he was little and he lived with me mostly, but he's put his dad on this perch that drives me nuts, and really hurts my feelings. His dad is visiting him this weekend. It is his dad's birthday too. He was telling my how he was going to take his dad out to eat for his birthday. My son never even sent me a text or told me happy birthday back in January. Then I remembered that I was in SC for his basic training graduation 2 days before my birthday and he never even thought about it being my birthday. He's all the time giving his dad stuff he gets on base...I never even got anything for Christmas.
He told me he was going to Kansas in about a month. Something about special forces...and that there is a possibility here in about 6 months he might go overseas. Just where I didn't want him going. Heading right down the path that I didn't want him to take. His dad is PROUD of him. His dad is a stupid dick. Sorry. NOT!
I just have this feeling that if he goes, he isn't coming back. It's more than just fear, its just deep down I KNOW.
Part of me wants to just tell him to go live his life and why even bother pretending that he cares about me half as much as his dad. Then I think if I just ride it out that someday he'll come to me and say, know what mom? Thanks for being there for me more than I ever knew.