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April 6th - A wobbly day, starting again

Saturday, April 06, 2013

Yesterday wasn't the best day; I did some workout stuff, a 30 minute combo of balance games and cardio (mostly jogging) on the wii fit yesterday, and I didn't do anything terribly self-destructive (though I had white noodles with the stir-fry and could easily have made 2 portions out of it, but I can blame my boyfriend for that). Emotionally...well, not my best day. I was doing the budget and paying for some bills yesterday and I've come to the horrible realization that I just don't have enough money coming in to cover what I have going out, and I'm going to have to leave school and go back to work at this rate. I'm going to give it a few days, do a little light job-hunting, not make any commitments right now, but...yeah. Having toughed out a year of college (severe social anxiety and agoraphobia are among my problems, so it was kind of a big deal) I'm now discovering I may have to give it up right before the exams. We'll see, though; I have a bunch of those big quarter-annual bills coming out this week, and a big charge from my bank, and I'm still struggling to catch up to my last debt a couple of weeks ago, and the change in the benefits system means because I was put in a house that's too big for me, I'm going to have to start paying more money for it...but who knows? The dust might settle and I might be ok at the end of it after all. We'll see. Worst case scenario, I'm not exactly going to die from this; so what if I end up having to leave college? Not the end of the world; I'll go back and do it another time, or I won't...a college education isn't the biggest deal in the universe. Hell, the courses I took weren't vocational; they were just because they interested me. I'm still interested and enjoyed doing them, so surely they've served there purpose?

Anyways, ramble over. Suffice to say I had one of those days yesterday where I didn't fall down completely, but I wobbled, and I spent most of the day playing Skyrim and crying like a byatch. But today will be better.

Doing the shopping today (hello again stress, my dear old friend!) and making plans for the stuff I have to do today. A large part of the day will be spent out with my boyfriend so I won't be able to do too much, but maybe I can start a little WIP for Project B (don't worry; you're not supposed to magically know what that means) for in the car, and rather than putting off the washing up afterwards because my boyfriends over, which I usually do, just do it with him; one of his biggest complaints is that I don't do the washing up as I go (easier said than done when your hot water has to be boiled on the stove!) so I can do the next best thing; do it regularly throughout the day. My grandparents used to make breakfast and lunch in the morning and wash up after that, then again after dinner. That worked for them, I'm sure it can work for me.

I have no work-out plans today; I'll be out and about for a few hours so I'm sure I can fit 30 minutes of brisk walking in there somewhere for the cardio, but I'll have the fella over tonight so I don't know if I'll be doing anything work-out like with him here. We've been having a conversation last night about arranging personal space when he moves in; if i decide I want to do a workout I can start putting that to the test and ship him off upstairs for an hour while I do one. If I feel like it.

So, yeah...60 minutes on project A, 60 minutes on project B, 60 minutes (or as long as it takes) organizing my school papers, bills and other assorted "important" papers cluttering my table, 30 minutes cardio, and 30 minutes job hunting. And the shopping. Must do that.

Breakfast is one (last) egg on a couple of slices of toast. The fruit salad is all gone so I'm having an apple instead. Again, not the end of the world. And as always, my cauldron of coffee. Sleep was bad last night; no real routine, and I had coffee before bed because I was cold and needed a hot drink.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRAPLEIRIS 4/10/2013 6:52PM

    You are handling this stress in an AMAZING way! Good for you. My suggestion would be looking into if your area has a Vocational Rehab (or the equivalent) program. I know people who have been given $ for school because of hearing loss (not total) and because of diabetes. Seems like your issues should qualify you for this (or a disability).

So many people give up so easily of just fall apart: you are right in the face of adversity and standing (if a little wobbly...so what!)

Good job!

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BONNIEMARGAY 4/7/2013 3:16AM

    Wishing you relief.

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KEEPITSIMPLE_ 4/6/2013 2:45PM

    Hang in there! I agree with the advice above. There might be something out there that you are eligible for, and if you've already paid, then there's no reason to quit this late in the game.

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SCOTTSDAME 4/6/2013 2:22PM

    Thank you for this post, can relate in so many ways. Nice to read the trials and tribulations of others in similar situations. emoticon

I struggled with agoraphobia in my twenties as well, and I mean really struggled. But the other everyday stuff I can relate to also.

Thanks for sharing

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ELSCO55 4/6/2013 11:15AM

    Hang in there. if you have already paid for the term, go ahead and complete it. See if there are part time jobs on campus or close by. If you haven't applied for financial aid, so see them. You never know what you might be eligible for.

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DOVESEYES 4/6/2013 6:58AM

    I love the way you look on the bright side, hope tomorrow is a wonderful day for you!!!
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