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EVER-HOPEFUL
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fear and itīs aftermath

Saturday, April 06, 2013

yesturday was a really traumatic day for me,so traumatic that i couldnīt write aboutfor fear of reliving it all.didnīt make a differance as it kept going round and round in my head.still is.i slept very little last night,i have a headache and feel real sick to the stomach.my right footand knee hurting.on the bright side it doesnīt seem to have affected ayman like i was afraid it would and he didnīt even have a nightmare like i was expecting him oo.in fact he slept deep and sound which made a change as he had been up several times the three night before because of his asthma.maybe the experience just made exhausted .it is amasing how resillient 4 year olds are.you are probably wondering by now what happened,so guess i should tell you but the thinking of it still makes me shake.yesturday we were at ostbahnhof for aymans speach theraphy .to get home we have to take the underground.we were at the lifts an old man got into the lift first,then ayman and before i could get in the lift door closed and the lift started moving straight a way.ayman started screaming i looked at the man gestering to him.the man completely ignored me.he was the one who pressed the lift button to go down.for a split second(seemed longer i froze)all sorts going through my mind,what if the man took him away on the train?what if ayman gets on the train alone?do i wait here incase he comes back up?do i run round the corner to the stairs and try to beat the lift down(impossible i know)if i did that what if ayman came up in the lift and i missed him?then someone walked by that seemed to jolt me out of my frozen state(it really was only about a couple seconds gone by now seemed longer)i asked the surprised lady to wait there incase he came up while i ran quickly round the courner and down the stairs.when i got to the middle stock i could see the lift was on its way back up so waited there for the lift to come to it to see if ayman was there.he was luckilya lady had gone up to the top with him.she was squating by him to be at aymans level with her arm round him i quickly grapped ayman and rthanked the lady quickly.wished i could have thanked her better but people wanted to go inthe lift and the same thing happened on the middle stock.a women pushed her pram in and before she could get in the door closed so quickly the she let go of the pram.we all forced the door back open luckily.i asked the people inthe lift to tell the women waiting at the top i had ayman.no way was i going in that lift again.we took the escalater down to the underground.i was shaking,ayman was very clingy but stoppedcrying.it was only as i was sitting in the train that i realised i must have twisted my foot and knee running down the stairs(i hope it is only twisted especially the knee as that is hurting alot)didnīt notice at the time as i was just trying to get down the stairs.also on the train i was regreating that i didnīt thank the women enogh.what happened to the man who started this all off by pressing the close door button i am asuming he just left him amd got on his train as he was in such a hurry.ayman said he did nothing so didnīt even try and comfort him.who ever that women is who brought him back up i thank her from the deepest of my heart and thank god for her.i hope she realises i am really grateful though i might not have showed it.hope she realises i was still in schoch(still am)the time i could really have done with a hug from lotfi he is in tunisia.luckily when i told him on skype he didnīt go mad with me or say it was my fault etc.i had half expected him to.maybe he could see i was still upset and in schock.i am crying writing this so i know i am still not over it.weather i will use a lift again when i am with the kids is debatablezakariya didnīt help matters when i got home and was relating the story.as i didnīt know who that man was and thinking he could have traid to kidnap ayman as no one would have questioned it if he had taken ayman on the train with him as they were the only two in the lift and people could have thought ayman was being naughty.it is sad that theese thoughts even came in my mind but zakariya being zakariya said it could have been even worse he could have been a murder.kids what can you say.anyway that was fear pure and i guess it will be a while before i recover from it.the guilty feeling that i could have done things diferantly etc,etc.is also is also withme and something i also have to contend with..thanks for reading this and for being there for me.i am so glad i have this means to try and get it all out of my system even if i come over as a lacking mother for letting it happen in the first place.thanks.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v JUDITH1654
    It's such a feeling of helpless when something like that happens...knowing you are completely out of control to remedy the situation. It's understandable why you would be so upset! Any mother would. Just thank God everything came out all right and don't take the elevator until you're ready. You'll know when it's time. Trying to put it all behind you is easier said than done and only time will heal the fear you now feel. But you WILL!

    Have a glass of wine and a hot bath and try to look at how it all turned out for the best instead of worrying about what COULD have been. What could have happened didn't, so focus on the reality instead of the fear so it won't paralyze you. emoticon
    1210 days ago
  • v SUSIESHINES
    I'm so sorry this happened to you both. I'm very glad that woman was there to help. I hope your foot and knee feel better soon.

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    1210 days ago
  • v KAYTIE22
    I'm very sorry that you and Ayman had this terrible experience. I can't even imagine the helpless feeling you had and then not knowing what was going to come next. Thankfully, everything turned out okay. I'm sure that kind lady understood your shock and concern and realized how grateful you were for her help. It was certainly not your fault and you did everything you could under the circumstances. You are one of the most caring and concerned mothers that I know and you should never doubt that.

    Try to put this behind you, relax and get some needed rest. Hope your foot and knee will be feeling better soon. Take care and have a good week.
    1210 days ago
  • v TANYAMWA
    I am glad that he y'all are both OK. It is so scarey! Thank goodness there are good people in this world!
    1210 days ago
  • v MRSBIGGLESWORTH
    So sorry Karen. Every parent goes through at least one time where they don't know where their child is - total panic - in a store, etc. You can keep blaming yourself, but really, it was just an accident - the circumstance at the time. God was watching over him and so lucky the lady brought him back to you. Don't beat yourself up over it - just be thankful that he is safe and sound.
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    1210 days ago
  • v IAPHOTOGIRL75
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    1211 days ago
  • v TRUCKERWIFE2
    So sorry that both of you had such a scare. I am so happy there was a woman who was able to help comfort your son and return him to you safe and sound and another to keep an eye out for you in case he came back. As parents these things happen and there is nothing you can do about them. I would also advoid the lift after something like that for a while. Hope you get some rest and have a better day tomorrow. emoticon
    1211 days ago
  • v NEWLEAF16
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    Oh how scary! So glad it all turned out the way it did and that everyone is ok!
    1211 days ago
  • v RAINBOWCHOC
    try and talk it out with a trusted friend, you cannot keep reliving it, none of it was your fault.

    sending a cwtch
    1211 days ago
  • v TRUNKJUNK
    Karen so glad everything worked out in you favor.
    1211 days ago
  • v PRINCESSRIALS
    Do NOT blame yourself, Karen love, you did everything right. That man was rude and thoughtless and an angel was watching over you and your son yesterday. And you have learned a lesson you will never forget and this will never again happen on your watch. We have all been there at one time or another. Maybe this was the plan - to learn our lesson safely, so that this wouldn't happen with horrific results. You are the lucky mother who gets to hold your living son tonight. Have peace with that always. Angels are watching you. I love you!

    1211 days ago
  • v MILLISMA
    Karen, please don't punish yourself for what happened. I am so thankful that Ayman is okay. I can just imagine your fear. I had a bad experience when my son was 2 1/2 and it's amazing the thoughts that go through your mind in such a short time. Wish I was there to give you a big hug. Take a deep breath and if you feel like crying, let it out.....it's good for the heart and the soul. Extra hugs to you my friend and hugs to Ayman for being so brave.
    1211 days ago
  • v FLAME42
    Sorry you had to experience such an event but thrilled that your son is o.k.. Hope your leg feels better soon.
    1211 days ago
  • v SUMTHINGSPECIAL
    I've had this happen to me as well - with my 2 year old. Fortunately her dad was with me - he ran up the stairs and I stayed there in case she came down. She was alone - though - but she wasn't old enough to realize she was in any danger.

    Nowadays - I try my best to hold hands with anyone who could potentially get lost in the elevator. It's become a habit since then because I'm worried it could happen again.

    While it is scary - be thankful nothing harmful happened. It's not good for us to worry about what could have been. I'm so glad everyone is ok.

    Sumay
    1211 days ago
  • v THOMS1
    emoticon emoticon
    1211 days ago
  • v SURF@723
    emoticon emoticon Karen....so glad Ayman is alright...please rest.
    1211 days ago
  • v RONDADEBI
    as a mother my heart would panic...BUT sounds like the good LORD was looking out for you and your son...glad everything turned out the way it did...love ya
    1211 days ago
  • v TINYBUNCHES
    ((hugs)) I can feel your fear. I think that woman was an angel so please feel better knowing God did take care of him for you. Get some rest and feel better soon.
    1211 days ago
  • v SAASHA17
    Oh Karen..Hugs!!! glad everything turned out fine...

    take care
    1211 days ago
  • v MICKEYH
    emoticon emoticon
    1211 days ago
  • v WANNABFIT34
    That is quite a scare! Glad everything ended up being okay.
    1211 days ago
  • v RUNNING-TURTLE
    That's just horrible, people are always in a hurry these days and not noticing the ones around them. So sorry that happened to you. And glad he is okay. *HUGS*
    1211 days ago
  • v KICKINGKILOS
    Karen what a scare. I cant imagine how those momenta would have made u feel.
    Allah shukat Ayman is well and all is good.

    1211 days ago
  • v GERRI4
    Karen, don't beat yourself up over it! You did everything you could've and should've done . Thankfully the world does still have some good people in it, and I am sure that lady knows how grateful you are for helping her. And because kids don't always understand the full seriousness of a situation they at times have no fear. He may remember this episode, but he will remember it differently to the way you do.
    Thank goodness you are all ok and safe, and your kids are very lucky to have you as their mum. Take care and big emoticon
    1211 days ago
  • v SUSIEPH1
    ohh Sweetie, I so feel for you ..
    Must have been such a shock .. Ia m glad it all worked out ok .. but I can imagine what you went through ..
    We just don't know who we can trust these days and you must have been so worried. I am sure the Lady that helped Ayman will know you are thankful.
    Try to relax love . and give Ayman a cuddle from me ..I so agree with you that it is good to get your fears out by blogging...it is a marvelous tool and I have used it more than once to try and alay my fears.
    Thinking of you Karen ... Much Love Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon



    1211 days ago
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