Friday, April 05, 2013
Yeah I pretty much bombed today. I made chicken for dinner that was so salty that I may be thirsty for the rest of my life. I did not log my food. And I bawled my eyes out for the first half of the day. So yeah, that pretty much sums it up. I think tomorrow I will do my shakes. They are far healthier than anything I eat anyway. I did however spend a good portion of the day outside today. That's a win. I figure the sun has to help me feel better than if I had just sat inside all day. The kids played, and some of their friends came over to play also. I'm glad I could watch my kids exploring outside and playing and running and laughing. There will always be a twinge of regret. Sometimes more than a twinge, sometimes it's just painful to wonder what life would be like if Anna was still here. A typical a baby at 9 months old would at least be crawling. Anna wouldn't have crawled, but I think she would have loved being cuddled in the sunshine. She was hospitalized for all of her life so we only got the chance to enjoy the summer sunshine with her 3 times. But I am so grateful for those 3 times. Still I wish she were here with us to enjoy a sunny, spring day in the sun. I think she's exploring the gardens in Heaven though. I imagine everyday is a sunny day for her now. I think of her happy and healthy in Heaven with my parents, and I know it's selfish of me to wish her back. Here on earth she would have faced so many challenges. At least I know she is healthy and totally healed, even if she is away from me.