Friday, April 05, 2013
I have been so depressed lately because I haven't been able to come into SparkPeople for awhile until now. I just g opt my internet back and I just hope that I don't loose it again because that would just send me over the edge of despare.
I went to the nutritionist yesterday and I gained 11 lbs back which is because I have been so depressed. I can't seem to break away from it. I have to start thinking about me and what I want.
So starting tomorrow if the weather is good, I am going to try and go for a walk and see if I can clear my mind of all the negative energy I have inside. I don't like feeling like a loser and a failure but I guess its true. I failed again and now I am paying big time for it.
I will get over this and succeed in losing this weight again and work hard at keeping it off if it kills me. I am going to start by getting the 17 day diet book at the book store tonight and then maybe go after the cookbook and workout book as well. I want to be free to be just me and not have anyone put me down and to call me a fail, fat, ugly and a loser.
I know if I put my heart and mind into this then I will succeed for sure. I want this more then life itself and what I want is to have people say god you look great did you lose weight. That would be great, I know I have to do this if I want to be able to walk with my head held high and my mind free of negative energy.
So this is the new Eshara43 aka Susan starting over and looking at it as a new start for the Spring and Summer.