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The honor and accountability!

Friday, April 05, 2013

That was me at least 10 years ago. It takes my breath away every time I see that photo of me. I threw away photos of me from my highest weight of 308. I still remember going to the doctors office that day. Dr. Yoman found me in the room in tears in response to that startling number. Never weighed in the 300's before. She tried to comfort me, but I was inconsolable. It was like a shot of ice water in the face. That was 1995. That was a long time ago.

There have been ups and downs since, but have never ceased my resolve to not ever be in the 300's again. I have kept that promise, even though there have been set backs.

We have to learn to deal rightly with set backs. Some of these we have no control over. Like the 4 years I battled with my legs to work again.

That was 3 years ago. Double knee replacement. It was really hard, but I knew if I didn't have the surgery, I would be confined to a wheelchair in less than a year.

It is strange how we let others view of us define us. I remember hearing that I would never walk again. People who are shocked at my progress. Well, the best is yet to come!
It was last year that I finally had strength and courage again to fight strong for my health. I think the diagnosis of type 2 diabetes was what was the main wake up call. I never thought I would be the one with diabetes, but my Dr. friend really hit me over the head with the fact that I did some crazy stuff to myself for years to lose weight. He was the one who told me that I was slowly killing myself with the extreme low carb dieting for 5 years. He is also convinced that I would not have thyroid and diabetic issues had I not gone that direction.

What is in the past is in the I move on. Smarter and more determined than ever. I am still learning what I am made of. This is how we succeed. We stumble, but never give up. I have found out what works for me. How individual our fight is. Finding out emotional roots that make us do the stupidest things. Self sabotage....I am still trying to figure out the scope of why we do things that cause us to go backwards instead of forwards.

I think part of that has to do with fear. Fear of what we don't know. Fear that we will fail and focusing so much on our weaknesses that we keep tripping on them. Not understanding that we really deserve to be healthy. That we have every bit of power inside of us to do amazing things.

I don't know how far I can go, but I am certainly on the road to find out.

Thank you to SparkPeople and Sparkfriends who gave me the honor of being a SparkPeople Motivator and featuring my page today. It really made my day. May I stay true to the honor and keep running the race with preserverence!

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