Friday, April 05, 2013
On November 9th 2012 we bought a house. It was an amazing accomplishment, something we had been wanting for years. It actually happened really quickly. In September we went and got our oil changed and as we were waiting we looked at cars. My husband kept thinking he wanted to buy a new car, I told him there was no way we were buying a car until after we bought a house. So that started the process. From starting to look until actually moving in was less than two months. It barely gave me enough time to breath let alone think.
At first I felt excited, scared, but excited. Then I became petrified. I was leaving everything. We had lived in our apartment for over 6 years. My daughter learned to walk, talk, read, really everything. We moved in when she was 6 months old. It was the only home she'd ever known. It was also the home where I went through the most drastic amazing change of my life. All my neighbors knew me throughout my weight loss process. They would tell me how good I looked, it just felt safe.
That old house was like a security blanket. I felt safe, secure at home. At my new home no one knows the old me. They will never know what I looked like as a 300 pound person. They will never tell me how amazing my transformation was. I really just felt sad that I would no longer be complimented on losing weight. I really had trouble accepting this new place as home.
But today on my walk I was thinking about it. Everything about this place is a fresh start. I don't have to be "that girl that lost 140 pounds". I can just be me. Yes it sucks that the compliments won't be as abundant, but the great thing is that the expectations aren't there either. For better, or worse, I don't have anything to live up to. I can just be me. I can be the mom of that cute little girl. The lady that works out a lot. The new neighbor. Just me. I don't have to be anything here. I don't have people asking about my loss, I don't have people judging if I've gained a little weight. I get a fresh start, and in all honesty I love this place. I love the neighborhood, I love that there are a ton of kids, there is a running trail in my back yard. Well I think it's more of a bike trail, but I'm calling it "MY RUNNING TRAIL". It is amazing to have this fresh start, this new life.