Thursday, April 04, 2013
*Please note keyboard issues cause this post to have some grammatical errors while others are intentional-enjoy
Ive done it! By golly Ive gone and done it! And now I am all agog with pleasure or dismay I am still unsure. But it is done and i am forever changed. Now for the hard part, telling you what it is...sure ive written a book im afraid to reread, worrying it might be trash. And I suffer massive guilt at wanting so badly to be more than my wonderful life already affords And I am ashamed of my lust after other careers. Harbouring secret fantasies of careers and power I don't have while failing to maximally apply that which I do have. I believe knowledge is power and self knowledge-a power so great it overwhelms! To err is human I know, so I do not claim an inability to control anything about myself here. No, it was more of an intense longing that needed to be fulfilled and I did.
I actually had this conversation with my husband:
And what if I don't do the right thing every time whose gonna get me
I don't need to be so uptight , so responsible all the time. Well you know the me that wouldn't spend a dime unless it was budgeted, yeah, ahm, well how does the Caribbean sound to you What i mean is I told the old me to suck it. I did it and im going to enjoy it.
We are taking a vacation . yes I said it and I did it . And Im going to enjoy it until I figure out whats ehm going on with me. We leave in the morning- yes without proper discussion , budgeting or issue ! no its not a delayed all fools day prank!
Whats wrong with you. You know what that reminds me im taking my book and imma edit the mud outta that bizach! Theres your grammar Grandma!-
So there you have it !The spark. Sleep sweet.