don't let me get me
Thursday, April 04, 2013
This week, as I've struggled to balance my college class schedule and 3(!) internships while maintaining my commitments to my sorority, boyfriend, family, and tennis partner (we signed up for a tournament next weekend!) I have realized that I may be in slightly over my head. I am a "doer" and usually get energy from being involved... but at this point I feel like my brain is constantly going through what commitments I might be forgetting about! Thank god for planners. This got me to thinking about what my priorities and values are and how they are being expressed every single day.
My natural inclination has been to put my health on the back burner... While I am not doing horrible by any means I have only been maintaining. For (4) weeks. Literally. I am continually frustrated by my inability to kick my butt back into gear. My next appointment with my nutritionist is in 2 weeks and I am absolutely dreading it.
My rut is unlike many that I have ever been in. For one thing, I am not completely out of control. That is usually the case when I "fall off the wagon." I feel positive and happy (and okay, really tired!!) I always used make a dramatic nutrition mistake and spiral out of control. But this? This is more like a consistent ambivalence and lack of focus that I can't seem to shake.
To be honest, I have no idea what to do. Unfortunately, none of my commitments are ones that I can just quit a month before school ends. I do recognize that I am starting avoidance behaviors... I know how to correct my past "all or nothing" mindset but I have not found any way to deal with this yet. Right now I am just taking it one meal at a time and I'm trying to juggle everything in my life without dropping the ball.