After reading 4EVERADONEGIRL's blog, I realized that I really need to do something. So thank you for your honesty. It has pushed me to stop fooling myself and face the facts. If you haven't read it, check it out, its really good: sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_
I've been a member of Sparkpeople for almost 2 years now. When I started, I was totally committed, borderline obsessive. Ok... obsessive. I tracked EVER-Y-THING. I worked out 7 days a week, sometimes hitting 2500 minutes of fitness, and that with no gym membership or equipment. Just dvds and my two feet. Of course, living in a tropical area with no air conditioning meant that sometimes I worked out until I threw up or slipped on my sweat. I was DETERMINED! And I succeeded. I lost 35lbs in almost 4 months. But my determination/obsessiveness eventually took a toll. I would get frustrated when food choices were out of my control. Sometimes I felt left out while everyone was enjoying snacks and cocktails and I stuck to water. But I held on because I wanted it so bad.
Fast forward to 2012 and little by little I was allowing a little more leeway. A little bit of fast food here, a few cocktails there, but the damage wasn't showing up in my clothes. So I fooled myself into thinking that I could get away with it. Another few months went by and I exercised once a week if that. Tracking was not happening. Water intake? Does beer count? Anyways, you get the picture.
I'd like to say that my time here has been well-spent, that I learnt and applied everything... no going back. But honestly, its not that easy. You go through periods where you are completely focused, maybe to the point of obsessiveness. And then you go through times where you couldn't care less, you want to enjoy life and not have to think about it, over-analyse everything.
This is me, this is who I am and I need accept this. I am an all or nothing kind of girl and I will always have this tendency. So I need to accept and learn to work with it. I need balance. This is a work in progress, a lifetime project. Some days will be hard, some days will be easy. And that's okay. I need to make peace with who I am.
I have spent the last month so angry. Angry at myself for letting things go, for losing my good habits. I need to release this anger and look forward. And so, this is me regrouping. I haven't gained much back but I need to return to my good habits. To try to overcome my all or nothing tendencies, I am giving myself small goals. Once I have mastered the one goal, I will add the other. This time will not be all or nothing.
Water - minimum 8 glasses a day
Limit alcohol intake - none if water intake has not been met
Try new recipes to reduce carbs and increase protein
Add cardio 1X time a week, on top of all the usual walking
Increase cardio to 2X a week, on top of all the usual walking
Increase cardio to 3X a week, on top of all the usual walking
Enjoy feeling healthier and fitter. Take time to enjoy and appreciate my hard work.
This is possibly one of the hardest things I've ever written; to say out loud that I have failed. But I am not going to make this my failure, I'm going to make this part of my growing experience. I do not expect perfection from others, so why should I expect it of myself? This is just another step towards success.