Thursday, April 04, 2013
I did get 30min of fitness in today - moving boxes of paper from one office to the next.
It has not been a good day. Before work, I lost it. I knocked my coffee creamer out of the fridge trying to get my milks for my smoothie out. It splashed EVERYWHERE! I lost my temper. Hubby was getting mad at me because of it. But I'm sick of telling him. I'm too crowded here. There's just the two of us here, and we have a HUGE refridgerator - no freezer on it. It's all fridge. And the food is stacked 2 layers high on the top shelf. We have two deep freezers - both so full they can barely close. The house is wall to wall to WALL and then some more in the middle of the room furniture. It was like this when I got here. It's getting worse with me here.
I just can't take it anymore. I've had a few breakdowns because of this. Nothing changes though. Instead, I'll tell Hubby how I feel, and he's starting to get mad at me for saying it. So I just don't say it anymore.
I got home this afternoon and was still too stressed. The thought of going running tonight after work just made me angrier. I'm sick and tired of running through puddles of water and on ice. It's friggin slippery. I'm sick of coming home splashed full of mud. I'm sick of having to bathe the dog on the back step before she can come in to the house after our run.
I know running usually lowers my stress, but today I was honestly afraid I'd smash someones windshield if they looked at me crosseyed today.....
So I didn't go running. I still might, but only if I can get past my anger.
I finally figured out why I'm so angry/stressed/upset/clumsy. PMS. I completely forgot. TOM is due next Monday. Between that, and how I've been changing and stressing my body these past couple of weeks, no wonder it's hitting me so hard.
This morning at work I noticed my jeans were a little looser. I am actually looking forward to the day when my pants almost fall off when I stand up. I can't wait. I'm on my way already.
I think I've decided I won't weigh in this week. I'm going to measure my success by how I'm feeling about it every day. Today I'm feeling about 60%. I ate some "padding", but it fell within my calorie range, so I guess it can't be all that bad. The bad part is why I ate it. Stress. I ate some of my comfort foods. And I didn't go running tonight, although I did get in 30min of fitness this morning at work. I should still be able to reach my 1000 calorie deficit today, so that's why I'm saying 60%.
I've accepted that I may not run today. If I don't , it's my day off. Taking a day off here and there is a good thing. It keeps your metabolism guessing. And it allows my body to rest. In all honesty, my mind too. Yes, the exercise helps quiet my mind, but in all honesty it's a lot of mental work to get out there some days.
Look at that. I'm making an excuse again. An excuse so I don't feel so bad about not getting out there to run.
Today is hard. Yes. But it's hard days like this that show you what you are made of. Shows you if you are serious about your journey, or only serious about it when it's easy.
Damn. Now I'm feeling more like today has been a 30%day...