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    JEMLOVA29   1,814
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Thursday, April 04, 2013

Hey guys and gals...

I derailed big time. No one and nothing to blame but myself. The last couple weeks have been rough and busy. Between my shoulder injury, not qualifying for a mortgage on the home I was hoping to get into, Easter celebrations with the family, and just a lack of motivation and time in general - these things have really got in my way.

I haven't exercised in a couple weeks and I am really feeling it. I've been eating OKAY. I haven't been eating enough veggies and my addiction to fast food has weaseled it's way back into my routine. I promise that today I will quit doing that!

The number on the scale is back up a few pounds - I didn't meet my March goals. I was so ashamed with myself because I was feeling so great and proud of myself - couldn't believe I was actually about to hit my goals! Then the stupid shoulder - I let it get in my way and it really crashed me in terms of motivation. Ugh, I am still not feeling motivated but I will push myself.

Tomorrow will be hard as I am making my nephews birthday cake and I sometimes find it difficult to control myself when I'm in baking/decorating mode. I will do it though. I am going to give myself yet ANOTHER fresh start and do better this time. I was doing so fantastic up until my shoulder injury, so I know I can get back to it. I just have to want to.

Today and tomorrow I am going to eat better. My next 48 hours is packed full of stuff so I have decided that on Saturday I will begin my do-over.

My commitments:

-Track everything that passes my lips - EVERYTHING
-Try to stay under 1500 calories/day
-Back to 180 minutes of exercise/week (3 nights a week - 1 hour a night in the pool doing deep water aerobics)
-Drink a MINIMUM of 8 glasses of water per day - although I should be striving for more like 10-12 but right now 8 is okay
-At least 10 servings of vegetables a day - sounds like a lot but I am a very big girl and need it

My APRIL goals:

-I want to lose 10 lbs this month - I didn't do it last month so this time I will
-Lose 5" of grossness off my body (my entire body, measuring pretty much everything)
-I will hit 550 minutes of fitness this month
-I will take my medication as prescribed - 2 times a day EVERY SINGLE DAY. This is something that should be quite simple to do, but I struggle with it more than anything

WHEN I reach my April goals:
I will reward myself somehow. I don't know with what yet but I will do something for me and I will surely deserve it.

I really wish I didn't let myself get thrown so far off the wagon. I guess that's a part of the journey though. We've all done this, what seems like, millions of times before right? We begin, we do well, we give up, we quit, we get back on and start over. It feels like a never-ending cycle. If I'm being honest I will have to admit that I don't think I've ever felt THIS unmotivated before. I don't care what my head is saying, I'm not listening. I'm staying here until I don't NEED to stay here anymore.

Any suggestions on how to kick start the motivation? I think I may just need to take more time to value myself. I was doing that often in the very beginning... telling myself how much I deserve it and a few of my pals here have offered some great ideas - like actually telling yourself the great things about yourself while looking in a mirror and I planned on beginning to do that but that's right about the time I derailed. This time I will try it.

I can do better than this. I have before so what the hell is my problem? I need a swift kick to the butt and I need to give my head a shake. Dreams don't come true by sitting idly by and moping and throwing a pity party. Dreams come true when a person realizes they are deserving, they are strong, and they show the will and determination to make things happen. I can do that... I think.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELOFALLTRADES 4/5/2013 9:26PM

    Hey friend,

I hear ya with trying to get motivated after things like this happen. I hate sounding like a coach from "The Biggest Loser", but what helps everyone stay on track is knowing what makes you unhappy and tackling that first. Because if you're unhappy and/or stressed, it makes it so much harder to stay motivated and not fall off the wagon. What's also helped me get kick-started every week is visualization...almost like meditation, but I don't do long sessions lol. Every day when I feel like I want to be lazy and skip my workout, I picture myself fit and toned...running down the road in a sports bra and shorts or playing soccer and dominating the game or just walking around on the beach without being scared of what I look like in a bikini. And also being able to tell people I did it on my own and without their help...and I can kick their butts anytime I need to! Sorry...I think I'm pumping myself up!

It's harder than any "normal" person will know who hasn't delt with serious weight gain/loss. I've never been this heavy in my life and every day when I work out, within the first 10 minutes I'm tired! And I almost hate myself because I can remember going through gruesome soccer tryouts that lasted for hours without feeling the way I do now after a 20 minute workout. It makes me want to give up so bad...because at that moment I feel like a loser. But I've seen all of these wonderful people on SP accomplish amazing things starting at the same weight I'm at or heavier. And again, I'll stop and visualize myself fit and healthy...and tell myself just to keep at it. And with the food, I also think about how the food I eat will hurt or heal me. "Hurt or heal, hurt or heal?" And eventually (this week finally) I don't crave the bad stuff anymore. I also watched "Hungry for Change" which has totally changed my way of thinking about food, so I feel like I've been hypnotized to stop eating this bad stuff. It's on Netflix if you wanna check it out!

I know you'll do it--you came back, didn't you? That just shows that you really want this. Keep it up girl! And your goals are awesome!

P.S. I'm sorry I talk about myself, I just try to show how I relate with stories--I hope it helps!

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Comment edited on: 4/5/2013 9:29:42 PM

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ALIALI2013 4/5/2013 12:21PM

    You said a lot here, and you're right, the person themselves have to realize they deserve what they're working towards, and you DO! You have the ability, you have the strength, and it's just that sometimes we all need to have someone else help us a little bit to see that!

I'm glad you've started looking in the mirror and saying good things about yourself, even if it's nothing major, one good thing a day, then adding each day is enough! You should write them down too, and keep them where you can look at them when you're feeling down, maybe that'll help you realize that you are definitely deserving of that final goal.

I have faith in you, a LOT of people here do..you'll get there, just step over that little "downfall" and push forward again. What's a little stumbling block once in a while if it doesn't give us the strength to move forward even harder, right? :) YOU CAN DO THIS, I KNOW YOU CAN, AND YOU WILL. emoticon

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MINEA999 4/4/2013 3:57PM

    Man have I been there a million times before! You just have to keep on picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and start again! You can do this - you know you can. I know you can. Now you just need to tell yourself that you can. Because apparently ';yourself' has not heard you loud and clear yet that you are worth every bit of effort.

It seems cheesy but I've been finding daily affirmations and meditations on positive and encouraging thoughts to myself, spoken out loud, seem to help a lot.

Having a pity party is okay - but only let it last a day. Then get on with chasing your dreams!

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LALMEIDA 4/4/2013 2:51PM

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