Thursday, April 04, 2013
I am totally dragging my heels this week. Not in exercising or nutrition (I've got those down), but in just about everyother way. It's a few days before spring break and I'm just holding on until one week of (what I hope to be) relaxation.
The pit-fall to being so much more invested in my health and activity is that I am letting other things go - work, email, phone calls - more and more. I'm beginning to feel guilty that students aren't getting their essays back in a quicker fashion and that I'm letting emails sit in my inbox for a few days rather than getting the immediate response. I've also made the decision to take care of me before others, but the result means that I'm not calling people back in a timely manner or planning dinners around my husband's preferences. I wasn't feeling guilty for a while there, in fact, I was quite proud of myself - it felt good. But now I'm beginning to feel irresponsible and unprepared. There hasn't been a trigger; I'm not in trouble or letting anything slide, but I feel comparatively lazy to my former self. Granted, I'm not just lounging around the house, I'm at the gym or the farmer's market, I'm reading or catching up something I enjoy. I'm choosing to take a bath rather than veg out or frantically prep school work and I'm blogging my tirades rather than acting them out or complaining to a friend. I think these are good things, but then why do I feel so guilty?
And while I'm not actually behind, I feel behind. Like I'm missing something or less attentive, which obviously brings about the guilty feeling. I'm hoping spring break allows me to recharge and bring everything back to perspective. But is relying on a vacation the life long answer? I want to attain balance and I feel like I had it for a brief while, but am now tilting in the complete opposite direction from when I started this journey. This concerns me because it means I am returning to the all-or-nothing mentality again. I'm catching myself do it and hope that I can motivate myself enough to reprioritze once again and figure out a realistic, healthy schedule.