Feeling sorry for myself has ~NOT~ helped me release any weight.
I know.. shocker, right?
Rant ahead. You've been warned.
"Feeling sorry for myself" is the best way I can think of to describe my mindset of late. I'm irritated, irked, p*ssed, over it, rollin' my eyes, shaking my head, snorting in derision and in general - ridiculous.
None of that has helped me maintain my goal of letting go 1 lb a week. I'm off track (completely derailed?) on that front and hope to get back on track once again.
Do you ever get so fed up with yourself that if you were someone else, you'd avoid you like the plague? Not answering phone calls, ignoring text messages, turning the other way when you spot yourself coming down the street? Yea.
Suzie mentioned she and her DH spent some time with us this last Saturday, and it was good to see them again, get all chatted up and wot not. Suz said something that stuck with me and I've been ruminating on it since then.
Consistency and luck - that is what she attributes her success. (Yes, there's more to it than that likely, but nuts and bolts, bare minimum kind of thinking..) Neither of which I've had for quite some time. I haven't dialed in my nutrition. I've all but given up on fitness. I have allowed myself to develop a bad attitude and wonder "what's so wrong with being soft and jiggly, really?"
My biggest issue right now is I. Don't. Want. To.
I just don't.
I don't mind eating well for breakfast and lunch, even for dinner, but all bets are off after dinner and my mouth-cravings over-ride my better common sense.
I don't want to constrain myself to eating smart and healthy and actual portions rather than 'some'.
I know I need to move. I need to walk. I have the Rock'n'Roll coming up in May and I need to be prepared. I don't need to go into it half-*ssed as I did last year, and yet here I am. Again.
I don't want to run, much less walk, or even lift a 5 lb weight at home while sitting on my *ss watching tv in the evening.
Well isn't this nice?
You know me - I own my faults and failings, and really it's not admirable, it's ridiculous. I've been hiding out for the most part, not blogging because I try really really hard not to lie to you all, so it's easier just to say nothing at all.
Nobody's fault but your own.
That's our family motto. It is, really.
If I say I'm going to reduce processed carbs, I need to do that. Not partially, or kinda sorta, but for reals.
I FEEL BETTER when I'm not shoveling crap in my mouth, physically and emotionally.
I talked a bit about this with Suz and hubby over lunch, while forking in bite after bite of chocolate muffin into my gob. That's right, a chocolate muffin made with refined carbs.
It's not rocket science. C'MON!
I hate being a hypocrite. I can rah-rah cheer all y'all on, encourage people, believe in someone and explain why they should believe in themselves.. but I am not able to do it for myself.
Plus, if Joe Blow/Jane Doe can lose X lbs in Y time, why the h*ll can't I?
Oh, that's right, they're actually trying, not feeling sorry for themselves.
I do not believe releasing weight is ONLY calories in, calories out. I believe there is much more to it than that. But I bet.. I BET.. if I work on balancing out that equation again in earnest, consistently, I might just get lucky.
Consistency and luck.
I need lots of both. Yes, please.