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Picking Myself Up and Dusting off

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

I've been down in the dumps lately. I've been frustrated, angry, and feeling sorry for myself. I have been throwing the equivalent of a two week temper tantrum. And, I am tired of myself! I am tired of this pity party, tired of thinking of all I can't do, tired of feeling defeated.

A few weeks ago I discovered that I have a hypothyroid which causes me to retain weight, feel exhausted and depressed, and makes my thinking cloudy. I was so relieved to learn what the problem was; I hadn't been feeling like myself in some time, and I was so glad to know I wasn't going crazy!

But since then, I have just felt really depressed about it. I have stopped tracking my food, exercising regularly, even caring about my weight. I've given up on myself. I blame the illness, but that doesn't help me. Blaming anything or anyone gets me nowhere; I just end up feeling like a victim.

Given my past, this is a very familiar and predictable feeling space for me to go. I forget that I am no longer a small person who cannot protect herself. I have to remind myself that I do have the power to become healthy. I can decide which doctors to see and keep going back until I get treatment that works for me. I can eat healthy in the meantime. I can go for a walk in the meantime. I can continue to live my life, to love myself, and to move forward with grace while I learn to live with this condition. I want to do that.

So, today I am recommitting to myself. I am not going to punish myself anymore. I am going to treat my body and mind with respect. I am going to give myself the rest I need. I am going to pick myself up off the ground, dust myself off and get back on this horse. This is my life and I don't want to waste any more time not living it!

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
JUMPINJULIE 4/5/2013 6:51PM

    Great attitude.

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    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KATWELL88 4/3/2013 5:41PM

    Sorry to hear you have health issues however I'm glad your back I miss your comments and posts. Slowly work your way to fitness and SP and good luck finding the right doctor. emoticon emoticon

Me I'm good ( touch of allergies and my aunt has cancer semi bummed) otherwise I'm doing my writings and bit of Walking emoticon emoticon

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AWESOMECHELZ 4/3/2013 4:36PM

    I have been in that cycle myself and it is completely miserable!! emoticon Right now I am fighting a little one (starting) and not letting it conquer me. I love my new place but the depression is every present lately. I admire your honesty and recommitment. I am sorry about the thyroid problem and I hope you can get the right medicine for it. AND you ARE entitled to a great doctor AND treatment with respect. I saw 4 neurologists this past year before I found my new one (5 total) and I am not sorry I did. People criticized me and I just did what I knew was best for me. Keep looking until you find that special one - you deserve it indeed! emoticon Glad you are back. Love, Chelsea emoticon

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GRATTECIELLA 4/3/2013 1:44PM

    Glad that you are back on Spark too. I have hypothyroid as well, and when I was first diagnosed I was really concerned about it. But it's not a big deal, as long as it's under control (which in most cases is easily accomplished with medication). Isn't it a relief to know why you've been feeling lethargic and gaining weight? When I went on synthroid, that was the first time in my life I was ever able to lose weight successfully. If you don't like your doctor, keep trying until you find one you like and trust -- that is crucial. Good luck!

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KEEPITSIMPLE_ 4/3/2013 12:56PM

    What a great attitude! The key success!!

Congrats for ending the pity party, and choosing to move forward!

emoticon emoticon

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VEG_GIRL04 4/3/2013 11:45AM

    Good for you!

And if you have to pick yourself up again 2 days, 2 weeks or 2 years from now - remember no on one is perfect - what matters is you want to commit to loving you!

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