Wednesday, April 03, 2013
January 2012, just following the break up of my 15-yr relationship, my roommate (and oldest friend) and I took a road trip to San Francisco to visit another friend of mine of 20+ yrs. (As an aside, there is something especially beautiful about having people in my life that have known me as long as these individuals have...It's like coming home--safe and warm.) We had a wonderful time just hanging out--sharing, reminiscing and laughing a LOT. It was just what the doctor ordered after I moved out of the apartment I had shared with my ex.
Well on the way home, my friend and I stopped in Santa Cruz which became my home away from home after attending UCSC for 3 years. It is one of the most magical places to me and retains a special place in my heart to this day. It was here that I gained independence from my family for the first time and began developing into the person I am now. I guess you could say it's where I found myself. My friend and I decided to walk around downtown and we stopped in at my favorite jewelry store where they have a large array of silver rings--of which I am a fan. So I see this rather plain band made out of solid sterling silver. It's kind of wide, narrows at one point and is edged on both sides with a braided pattern. It was love at first sight, simple yet slightly ornate and I wanted it. When I tried it on for the first time I had planned to buy it for the middle finger on my right hand but the store didn't have my size. So I went down a size and purchased it for the ring finger on my right hand. As my friend and I drove home to southern CA, I couldn't stop staring at my hand and my new purchase. It was a little more than I might normally spend but it was heavy for a band and solid silver all the way through. It was also the first thing I had bought for myself since my relationship had ended and it began to symbolize for me not only the start of the new year but also new beginnings. The start of a new me, if you will.
As my weight loss success has unfolded and taken on different forms not always apparent on the scale, I noticed my ring becoming looser and looser to the point that it is now sliding of the ring finger on my right hand. But I am so attached to it, that I hate the idea of leaving the house without it even though the thought of possibly losing it has filled me with dread on occasion. When I look down at my hand, the sight of my ring reminds me of so many positive things (and a few sad ones) but mostly positive-like how far I've come personally, emotionally and mentally since my break-up; how independent I've become, how much healthier I am physcially--the fact that it no longer fit has been a CONSTANT reminder of how successful I have been in the pursuit of better health. But mostly it has come to symbolize not only the possibilities life has to offer but how much care I have taken to love myself--for better or for worse.
Well--I still cannot yet fit my ring on the middle finger of my right hand and just as I was lamenting the fact that I might actually have to start leaving it at home, something told me to try the middle finger on my LEFT hand--and so I did. And. it. fit. Just last week, my left middle finger was also too snug. It made me so happy that I started to tear up. Because you know what that means? It means that my ring's intended home from the very beginning on my right middle finger cannot be too far behind and will soon be thin enough for me to switch back to where I had always wanted to wear it since it's purchase January 2012. The elation I felt at this discovery was, well, unexpected and a tad overwhelming. I feel like for the first time since 2007 when I first embarked on this journey at 257 lbs, before I even knew what a "Sparkpeople" was, that I am finally on my way to becoming the person I was always meant to be.