Tuesday, April 02, 2013
Were you assaulted by marshmallow peeps or that danged Cadbury Egg?
I'm pretty sure I consumed both. Blech.
I won't say I blew it this holiday weekend, but I certainly didn't fare well.
I DID have an 'aha' moment last night though, and I am kinda impressed with myself.
Is it possible to be disappointed by my appearance and my eating issues and still give myself some kudo's? Important to note that these are not the real candy bar Kudo's of the grocery type, but a much needed pat on my (already) padded back? : )
I feel like a screenwriter here, but here goes:
Monday eve. Nervous and anxious about potential nerve damage in my left leg as a result of the procedure last week to hopefully relieve some pain. I just might be one of the casualties that the docs warn you about before they knock you out. I'm so upset!! EAT!
Will it last forever?! Numb from the knee down, but still have so much pain there? Is that even possible?? Eat. Eat.
Is this how I will need to live out my life ON TOP Of living with Ethel (my EM) and CRPS? - With crutches and being unsure of walking on my own -FOREVER?! I can't breathe...
WAIT A SECOND.
Is living out my life with potential nerve damage going to get any easier with eating my emotions and getting even bigger???
*Stop eating* (Woah!!!).
I waddled to the kitchen and put back the remaining sweets (holy moly), and even tossed the extra popcorn (wasting food? The horror!)
Do I get an award for this? Will I one day write and bellow out some sappy acceptance speech (and forget to thank the people I love accidentally)? Hee Hee. I dunno.
But strangely, aside from the total discomfort of eating too much prior to that moment, I felt... motivation? Like a slice of my former self hollered out, "hey you, chubby. Yeah, I'm talking to you. You have always hated the idea of throwing in the towel. You've not only thrown in the towel, but i think you're eating it. KNOCK IT OFF!!!"
A tiny particle of the old healthy me didn't retreat with this inner confrontation, but acknowledged it instead. No excuses this time. No denial. I don't know how that 'aha' moment could have motivated me, but it did.
So this morning I did as much of my dvd mat workout as I could handle. Even though I had to hold ice packs (acid fire arm pain); even though I couldn't wear my shoes (yep, more fire pain); even though my workout pants wanted to roll off of my belly like some twisted circus trick (stay up darn you!).
Instead of focusing on the sad scene of me fighting with my pants throughout that partial workout, I have been looking online for some of my favorite Lucy capri workout pants. My bum is bigger. I get it. But (har har) to keep me inspired to shrink it smaller, I want to get some workout clothes that fit!
Look out world, here I come.