Tuesday, April 02, 2013
So since the fibromyalgia is kicken my butt so bad I couldn't even get out of bed until almost NOON.
So my food was messed up.
I had crap foods today cause i just didn't have the energy to move.
I gave in to cravings and found a tub of icing and plunged a fork into it and sat there and ate it off the fork. i stopped at one fork cause it honestly didn't taste that good my mind just was convinced I needed it.
it didn't even taste good...AT ALL.
Now I'm sitting here crying beca8se i just do not have the energy to move or do anything else but cry I know its the fibro making me feel like this but knowing how something happens doesn't make it any less painful.
I feel stupid for crying
And my grandma said to me tonight OH i thought you would outgrow it Chasity.
I've been dealing with it since I was 20. I'm 32. All the while taking care of her cause she is poor health.
I put my own crap aside to take care of her and she makes comments to me like that like im stupid for this. I have no control over this. its not something I did and I cant CURE it
Ah man I'm so angry at her for being so insensitive to me when I have given her my home to stay in. i have bent over backwards to help her. to take care of her in her poor health reguardless of how much pain IM IN i have always taken and put her first and she makes fun of me.
I love her with all my heart but sometimes I just do not like her.
I just feel like quitting everything.
throwing my hands up and saying forget it.
everything is overwhelming me the last few day and I pray it gets better weather soon so I can feel like a person again and not a 32 yr old trapped in a body of a dinosaur