Tuesday, April 02, 2013
I year and 10 days....thats it. I have 366 days to lose 75 lbs. I know that sounds like an amazing feat...even for me. If I get something into my head that means so much...nothing will stop me from doing it.
I just can't seem to get it in my head that I must lose this weight! It's not like I don't see myself in the mirror. I am fat. No doubt about it. I look and feel terrible. Not just sometimes....all the time. Yet-I still come up with a hundred excuses to not just go walk on that tm. Or to eat that donut or whatever!
The dr told me when I had the back surgery in Sept to lose weight. LOL! I weighed 241 the day of surgery. I weighed 261 on Christmas Day so I gained 20 lbs in that amount of time and it was Sept 24th and I have only lost like 13 pounds since then. ( I have probably gained a couple back so lets say I have lost 10 lbs since Dec. 25th.
Ok so 10 lbs isn't too bad for 3 months but it should have been- could have been alot more if i had only tryed a little bit bettter. I only worked out 5 times for the whole month of march. So I don't have any excuses....I only have myself to blame.
I am so excited but so scared I won't reach that goal but my heart is telling me I have to try and motivate myself or I am never ever going to succeed! I cannot explain myself. I don't understand myself so how do I explain to you. I know what I need to do...I just don't do it. No willpower I guess is the best way to say it. I have No Willpower to make myself better and admitting that is making me feel guilty becuase I have the means to do it. I ask my husband for an elliptical for Christmas...he got me one. I have a tm. I have a body ball. I have weights. I just don't have the umph to go in the gym room and do what I need to do. I usually chalk it up to being too tired...but I'm not really. Holy...it's only 30 min. Or I am hurting or it's too late. those are my main 3 excuses every nite to not go get myself a workout in. And that is exactly what they are...EXCUSES.
I know alot of you would say do it in the morning so that you can't make that excuse. I haven't got the willpower to get out of bed any earlier than I already do. I admit that but I work long days - getting up earlier isn't an option here. So it needs to be after work...after supper, after relaxing for a bit. And it must become a routine for me. I know this is what I need to do.
I don't know. I think in my heart I know I want to lose weight. But I have this evil streak that says Yeah...Whatever. But I am not going to let that little evil demon inside of me win. I will find a way to conquer it.
I am excited for this month. My husband took me to Niagra Falls for Easter Weekend and it was wonderful. We overate for sure but I am not dwelling on that. It really was a wonderful weekend.
I am focusing on today,here and now and how I can make changes. Changes that will make a positive impact on my way of thinking, the goals I set and the ways I can achieve those goals. Today I am 366 days away from being at my goal weight. I don't know how this journey will go but I gotta keep trying. I just can't-- won't give up on my dream! So here I am again...ready to give myself another try. I am worth it ...and I will do what I have to do to get to where i want to be. I just have to.
Someone said...It's not gonna be easy....but it will be worth it. I truely believe that!
I really do.