Monday, April 01, 2013
Yes, another first and another huge reminder that likfe as I knew it before October is no more. Everything is different. We are all different and act different, Yesterday was Easter, the day of celebration of Jesus overcoming death, the day of resurrection. Yet my love is godead, no longer on this earth to celebrate with us.
How was it different? Well, I woke up, alone, to a rainy and chilly day. I hid the eggs for the kids to find, in the house, b ecause of the rain. I got the boiled eggs out to devil but they had frozen. Nothing else was frozen but the eggs werel so, no deviled eggs. There was no ham this year either. Instead I fixed a chicken casserole. And my bunny cake? I just couldn't get up the energy or desire to make it. We did have asparagus and brocalli, and a congealed salad and a good cake from a neighborhood bakery, but not my buny cake.
After lunch my sil left to get some sleep before he had to reopen his restaurant and my dd and grandchildren left also, My older DD and I went to a former neighbor;s for a visit and we had a Passover meal with them. No matzo ball soup but matzo and cheese appetizers, chicken, salad, and potatoes. Ken's mother came and at 96 is amazing. Joanne fixed martinis and we toasted Passover, Easter, and Edward. That was the first time the tears started in two or three days.
Tonight both girls and grandchildren came for leftovers and my sil showed up after dinner was over with a new vacuum cleaner for me. I am truly blessed to have such a thoughtful son in law. how you might ask does that have anything to do with differences? Before October Ed and I would have gone out together to buy a vacuum when the olther one stopped working. We would have looked a coupleof places and had lunch and been together. Not a big thing? Yes it is a big thing when my partner, the love of my life, my lover, my spouse, the father of my girls and grandfather of the younger's children, my helper, my life is no longer here to do the little as well as the big things with me.
Then tonight I got a fb message from a young woman whose husband's name is also Ed and who took his life not long after my Ed died. It was a caring and wonderful message and brought a flood of tears for her, her children, as well as for me and my family. We both had amazing husbands and we both lost them way to early. Neither of us understand God's plan or reasons and both of us are lonely and full of grief.
Lord, Kim and I do not understand why out Eds had to leve us when they did. We don't understand what your plans are for us now. Kim;s twins have big decisions to make this year also and their Dad's death will certainly affect those decisions. Our lives are totally changed, they are nothing like the lives we knew before the deaths. Please guide us daily and give peace and comfort to us and to our children and my grandchildren. than you Lord.