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Finding Me Again

Monday, April 01, 2013

For several weeks, dare I say months now... I've been floundering. Not consistently tracking, not consistently exercising... Doing bare minimum to get by... Work has been very high stress lately. I've taken on a new role that I really didn't want in the first place. I'm so saddened inside me, because I am one of those rare people who truly loved what she did for a living. Now, I'm being "groomed" into a new direction from one of my higher-ups... I absolutely hate it. I can't say that at work... But inside, all I feel is that I'm losing something I worked so hard to do, and always thought I'd do it the rest of my career... I'm trying to find my way through it. I ended up taking a long weekend this past weekend because I needed one of those "mental health days"... I think it was good for me. I did a lot of thinking... a lot of crying... but Monday morning came, and there I go off to work again... I have a lengthy commute, so I gave myself as good of a pep talk as I could, and somehow it did help a little. I think that's when it kind of hit me. I think the combination of coming off of the Holidays a few months ago with my depressive state about work lately has been working against me. Stealing my motivation, my strength, my drive. But, it didn't do it all by itself. See, it never would have been able to do anything to me if I didn't let it. But c'mon... You have to be as strong as iron sometimes if you think life isn't going to get the best of you sometimes. I think I'm finally realizing that I really do need to stop giving in to these treats, because for as much as I've eaten over the last few months, guess what... All that didn't make me feel any better in the long run! I need to find me again. That me that was proud to make my fitness goals, and proud each time I logged off the computer each night because I had made healthy choices. Where has she been hiding? Why has she been hiding? All good questions. But, I guess the only thing that matters is that I drag her butt back here! :-) I will find me again. Today was a good start. I am hoping that with one day at a time, I can get back on track again.
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