Didn't feel like a new start today
Monday, April 01, 2013
Today has been a huge struggle, probably because it just started out with me being in a weird/sad/stressed/disconnecte
d (complicated) mood.
On the bright side, I had a great weekend. My two close friends and I went up to the mountains and did a one-night backpacking trip, with the possibility of having to camp in the snow, which is something I've never done before. Fortunately one friend had gone snow camping when he was young, and also did more of it in the military, so he helped my other friend and I to be prepared with the right gear and so forth; he also carried a lot of the team gear since he had the lightest and most compact camping gear.
We camped where snow held, in large patches, but were able to find places that were clear of snow to put our tents. It was a primitive campsite also - no running water (another first for me). We melted and boiled snow for our water. I got to try some snowshoeing, and we built a snow bunny!
It's trips like this that remind me that I know things can be normal. I felt totally present, happy, and relaxed. No food or emotional eating issues whatsoever. Actually food was a new experience too - we brought those dehydrated food bags for warm meals, and my other friend brought some of those MREs that she had lying around. That was the first time I'd ever tried those. They weren't even bad! One thing I enjoyed, which I only really noticed later, was being reminded of how it feels to actually be hungry, and then feel happy and satisfied when you're full. It always feels so freeing whenever food is not associated with emotions for me...completely intuitive eating. I have no idea how much I ate, really, but I was not concerned about it at all, because I ate when I was physically hungry (we also all brought a bunch of trail mix and such for snacks) until I was full and that was it.
I'm really happy I got trekking poles. I've never used them before as I've always been confident about my balance and the strength of my legs, but with my knee/hip issues this time, along with the weight of a 40lb pack, it really helped to distribute some of that weight into my arms. There were a few times where I stepped into waist-deep snow and kind of toppled over with the pack and the poles did nothing to help, but most of the time they seemed a good aid! I had a lot of fun that weekend. It was good to be out with the team again.