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Monday, April 01, 2013

We had a wonderful three day weekend at the cabin with Ron's mom and step dad but it was extremely overwhelming for me the entire time. I think that as unreasonably uncomfortable as I felt this weekend, it might end up leading to making the rest of my cabin life momentously stupendous. I started out thinking this might need to be just left for me to consider on my own , but the more I think about it, maybe I need some input. Or maybe I just need my soul searching to be laid out there. I don't know. (Sorry. It is the law that I have to be as vague and rambling as possible in my first blog paragraph. It simply would not be right for you to have any type of clue what I am talking about in the first paragraph.)

So here's the deal. We started the weekend as always. I unpacked and put stuff in the car to bring back home while Ron mowed and we got ready for his parents. It got hot and sunny so all weekend I was changing into tank tops and shorts and getting tan. When they got there, they wanted to spend every waking hour on the deck so they could smoke which was perfect for the tan. I was just overwhelmed by how much family his mom has in and around that town. Within about an hour of their arrival, we had EIGHT other people I din't know from Adam (HA!) having a party on my deck. ("I never know ANYONE at the party...and I'm always the host." Counting Crows). I had met Sharon before but we had a Sharon, a Sherry, and a Shelia so...

Anyway. Overwhelmed. EVERYONE was sincerely friendly, fun, and nice so all weekend I felt guilty for being uncomfortable. I still don't get it. Funny how I just wrote a couple of blogs ago that I don't have anyone to hang out with or do stuff with and now they all show up at my door and I freak. I ended up having a drink and that helped alot. It's becoming a bad habit, I know but one drink in a weekend does not an alcoholic make. Hooked up the ipod to the tv and really enjoyed everything for a couple of hours until I pulled a Ron and snuck off to bed probably two hours before everyone left. Guilty about that, now. BUT I was starting to get a headache and didn't get to bed til two am that morning and Ron had us up at four thirty am for the trip. And I don't sleep in the car.

The next morning, Ron woke me at four thirty am again, slamming the fridge door over and over. Took the parents to eat and Walmart in Huntsville and came home thinking we would watch a movie. I turned it on and they went to the deck to smoke. Halfway thru the movie, by myself, the deck was full of people again. To go from my main recreation being to watch a movie to having a ton of people around is just plain disorienting! Sherry's boyfriend wanted us to all go to his lake house where he cooked the most delicious fajitas that I did have to cheat. I only had about two spoonfuls of the meat and it was better than ANY restaurant. It was lovely. Fun. Festive. And still uncomfortable. Why!?!?!?

I don't get it! Am I crazy? Do I run off people who would be my friend by being weird? I sure hope not. I would like to believe that it waa just such a new experience for me compounded by lack of sleep and no clue about what was coming. I hope I can become friends with all these people and next time learn the ends and outs of who they are. I have to admit another thing to feel guilty about...I really gope nobody thought bad about it but I did pull out my book for awhile. That is BAD, huh? It's just so HARD when everything is so different! The only other time I am in a crowd is at work when every single person is playing on their phone and I'm not. I just never seem to blend no matter what. But I am determined. I am going to put myself out there next time and show everyone that I really am interested in who they are and what they are about.

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