If you have been reading my blogs for this year you know that I am training for my first official half marathon. I trained in the past and ran the distance but the race was cancelled so on April 27, 2013 it will be my first official half marathon.
When I started running, I ran on my own. I had to... I was very slow and had to learn how to run at my own pace. I needed to learn how to breathe and how to work my stride. I had to learn how to pace myself so that I would not tire. It took some time but I finally got back to it. I was able to run a full mile without stopping. Fast forward to today.... I am now running longer distances but something is different. I now run with people instead of by myself because I find it more enjoyable. I can still run on my own but I would rather have the company. And.... I have never ran more than 4 miles on my own outside. (I have run further on the track, but I am not counting that.) Why? I don't really know why.... I guess I get nervous thinking that I can't do it. That I am not good enough. That I need support from others to get me through the mileage.
Well over this weekend I had a chance to prove myself wrong. I was supposed to fit in a long run on Saturday morning before my daughter's friend b-day party. My friend and I planned to run for an hour at 7:00 am to get in some miles. But on Friday night she let me know that she had to cancel because she was not feeling well. So what do I do.... I cancel my run then. Why? Because I can't run on my own. Silly I know.....
But as the day went on and the warmer temps and sun looked more and more inviting I bit my lip and said, I am going to go for my run.
I borrowed my daughter's IPOD, laced up my shoes, started my watch, and hit the road.
I didn't know exactly how far I would run but I knew my path. I started the IPOD and the song that started playing was Pink's Perfect. (Clean version since it was my 9 year olds IPOD.) Nice running song I thought as I started out. Little did I know that it would truly be my running song.
The song got me going and I noticed that I was running 9 minute miles. Whoa... I better slow down. But my legs were feeling good so I thought I would just go with it. Let my body find the pace it was comfortable with. Pink ended and the next song was starting back up. And can you guess what song it was???.... PINK, again! Apparently my daughter has her IPOD music on repeat. The sun was so bright so I couldn't see the screen and I didn't want to stop to change the song or get it off repeat. So I kept on going.
While I was running and listening to the song over and over again, it really had me thinking through the words she spoke.
One of her lines, "Made a wrong turn, once or twice. Dug my way out blood and fire. Bad decisions, that's alright. Welcome to my silly life". - NOT LYING.... when this part played I came to a very large puddle on the path. I decided instead of going through the deep puddle to instead go around on the snow. Well it was very warm and the snow around here is melting like crazy. So can you guess what happened to me as I try to go through the snow. Yep... my foot sunk way down and so my shoes and socks got soaked. I had to laugh because she was just singing about taking a wrong turn. Well I took a wrong turn down that path and had to laugh at myself. But then the rest of the run I wasn't worried about getting my feet wet because they were already soaked. Instead of going around puddles now, I was running through them. (Or tip toeing rather... in the deeper puddles!)
But I also took those lines in the song and thought about my life. I have made a lot of bad decisions with my diet and my healthy lifestyle. They were all learning processes though so I need to just learn from them and move on.
What hit me the most from her song was the way I view myself.
Her words hit me hard.... like;
Mistaken - Always second guessing - Underestimating.... And the big one, "You're so mean when you talk about yourself, you are wrong. Change the voices, in your head.... make them like you instead."
I always second guess myself. I am learning more and more about myself through this process. My head tells me one thing and sometimes I listen but most of the time I am trying to shut it up. Because I am worth it.... I should not see myself as less than perfect. And either should you! You are worth it and owe it to yourself to see how great you really are.
As you can see, this song really had me thinking about my life, about myself and how I view myself, and about what I CAN do. I may not be skinny but I am ME and I am strong and fit. Because guess what? I ran 8 miles by MYSELF and ended up getting a great time too. 1:22 was the time I stopped my watch once it chimed the 8 mile mark. I felt so good that I probably could have kept going but we had dinner plans and I needed to clean up before we left.
But you know what.... I felt proud of myself for accomplishing a goal and letting go of fear. And Pink.... I love her! I love that her song gives us all a great message. And it was really upbeat and a great song to run to.
So don't ever think that you are less than perfect. Because you are perfect to me!
You Tube clean version of Pink's song.......