Sunday, March 31, 2013
I've gone 49 hours without sleep and I'm not the least bit sleepy. In fact, I'm bouncing off the walls. I feel like electricity is coursing through my body. It's shaping up to be a long, long night. Tomorrow morning, I'll call my psychiatrist. And he'll give me a prescription that knocks me off my feet and I'll sleep for two days ... again.
Thankfully, I know what a manic episode looks and feels like now so I can catch it and get it treated sooner.
In my last blog, July 2, 2012, I talked about overcoming bipolar disorder. That was premature. I know now that the best I can do is manage it ... but there is no overcoming. Have to admit I'm a bit disappointed and scared.
When I have to take two days off to sleep this episode off ... I'll have to tell my employer what's going on. Last August when I had an episode, I didn't have to tell my employer. But I can't take another two days off without an explanation.
Last August, I insulted two friends in my manic haze ... and lost two dear friends because of it. I almost drove my therapist to "firing" me as a patient when I barraged him with 50-60 emails. I am determined not to repeat that behavior ... but at 4 am in the morning when I've been up almost 48 hours ... it's hard to maintain perspective and proportionality.
I'm not sure where this blog is going ... guess I'm doing free association ... whatever comes to mind. Truth is, I'm scared. What if I get psychotic? what if I have to go to the hospital? what if I start having manic episodes more often? how will I work? Life gets complicated sometimes but we blunder forward one way or another.
Well ... time to wrap this up. Maybe I'll be back to write more later.
All is not always well but life is always good ...