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    TURTLESLOW14   40,430
40,000-49,999 SparkPoints
UPDATE: Still Hanging on and in need of prayers

Sunday, March 31, 2013

First I want to thank every single sparker that has either responded, goodied, Sparkmailed me or wrote on my page for everyone of your words, emoticons, and thoughts have kept me from falling into the deep dark abyss. I have been fighting with my own deep depression and severe panic attacks as I think of my daughter and trying to be there for her as well.

Update: Yesterday we actually got to go and visit her, Friday we were not allowed to see or talk to her. I forced my panic way down even though I was my shaky usual self because of it. We had a family therapy meeting with her, DH , MIL, DS and myself. It was very very hard for me to be there, I tried very hard not to cry totally breaking down, although tears did flow from my face. My daughter is still having suicidal thoughts and also had confided that she hears voices, bad ones that put her down or tells her people are lying to her, a negative voice. She had to get a cat scan yesterday afternoon to rule out anything physically in the brain wasnt wrong. This of course scared me, my brother had Bi-polar Schizophrenia so its very frightening since his showed up at the age of 15....after I had been gone from the house so I never had to really deal with it. She may have to stay at the Pavillion for another week, which is also hard being seperated from her for so long.

Today was visitation day as well(I should say visitation hour, because that is all you get), and I couldnt make myself go. Last night I had a panic attack that lasted for over 4 hours and have even decided I need to contact my own therapist early tomorrow even though I have an appointment on the 4th. I dont think I can wait with this "crisis" at hand. I am having trouble sleeping again to include nightmares even though I take meds to prevent them in the first place. My DH and Mil went to see her and her Aunt and Uncle will be visiting too. My DH says he is very proud of me though for how strong and how much I have held together for if this would have happened 6months ago he would to have delt with me and her at the same time. I guess therapy is doing more than I thought which is where I MUST keep my mind instead of blaming myself for this.

Again thanks for the support and prayers and hope that the prayers will continue for her so she can FEEL the love that is all around her.
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SARASMILING 4/6/2013 7:37AM

    You can and will get through this! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this but I know you are strong and you can do anything you put your mind to. I believe in you!! Stay strong!
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LWADE1963 4/2/2013 12:53PM

    you and your family are in my prayers. hang on and trust God to work it out emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ALEXSGIRL1 4/1/2013 7:08PM

    Hugs and prayers to you in this difficult time. It is hard to see our children needing help . you are a great mother . It is great that you are also realizing and asking for help. everyone would have a very hard time going through what you are. Just remember she is in a place where she can get help. you are stronger than you think. you can and will deal with this in your own way. hugs

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LUNADRAGON 4/1/2013 6:39PM

    Prayers being prayed on your behalf. Keep on keeping on.

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LUANN7 4/1/2013 5:05PM

    Your not alone with depression,anxiety,fear and low self esteem. I have been battling bi-polar since I was in my 20's, I am now 55. married with 2 adult daughters and 2 grandsons aged 1 and 3. Sometimes your all alone at night and it seems so very long I have walked those nighttime footsteps many a time.But you have to realize your not really alone-God is with you. when your having an attack get your bible out and read , read and read till the attack is over. now i know reading is farthest from your mind in an attack cuz your hearts racing and your short of breath and your hands and insides are shaking but if you are persistant you can do it.eventually the attacks get smaller and don't come as often.If you ever want to talk or are having an attack at night I am on here till 4 or 5 am.If I can help in anyway I will. I am a retired Registered nurse In Chrstian love-Lu:) my prayers go out to you and your family!!!

Comment edited on: 4/1/2013 5:06:52 PM

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EAGLES_WINGS 4/1/2013 2:46PM

    I deal with panic and anxiety too. However, things have generally been getting better. One of my anxiety meds was increased last week and I was almost instantly better after the first initial day and a half. I am also a Christian and I am growing in the Lord and asking for His guidance. The more and more I grow in the Lord, the better things will be. There are lots of scriptures for anxiety. I am sending you love and leaving you with this scripture which has helped me a lot in the past:

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:4-8

I have over this past weekend when thinking of anxious things tried to remember to focus on the positive because the negative has a way of draining me. This part of thinking on the noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, praiseworthy things does set the mind onto better things.

Also, praying always with supplication and thanksgiving helps keep one in conscious contact with the Lord our God. He is merciful and will help. Though God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we want them, he always sends an answer.

I hope your meeting with your therapist goes well. Baby steps! Hang in there!
Hugs, Karen
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BARBIE176 4/1/2013 2:17PM

    emoticon and lots of prayers being sent to you my dear friend. You shouldn't feel too bad about your tears because I know that I would have them too. It is really difficult not to when our children are going through something as terrible as your daughter is going through. I pray that her cat scan does not reflect anything like bi-polar. I am so sorry to hear that this is impacting your own progress, but I am sure that is to be expected too. It seems like a terrible nightmare. Hang in there as best you can and remember God is in control so lean on him too. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon my dear friend. Praying continuously for you and your family!

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1EMMA2011 4/1/2013 10:28AM

    Exactly! It is NOT your fault.

I hope the doctor gave you medicine for the panic attacks.

Thank God for your DH and MIL. How awesome that they are supporting you.

One Day at a Time.

Good for you for moving forward your Therapy Appointment.

This too shall pass! GO EASY


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WARRIORGIRL121 3/31/2013 10:02PM

    Kitten, I am also praying for you. Many people here and in your previous post have given you some wonderful encouragement and suggestions. I want to add some encouragement as well.

Honey, I am a Christian, a believer in Jesus. There is nothing you are facing that is impossible for God; I speak as someone who's experienced the miracle-working power of God in my own life many times; even in recent months, the Lord has delivered me from a serious spinal injury. The Lord also delivered me from severe depression in the past. I know what it's like to feel so burdened with sadness that you don't want to move, and depression so heavy you don't feel like you can go on another day but the Lord delivered me out of all that. God is greater than any mess or problem that comes into our lives; He is not only ABLE to help you; He is WILLING. Sweetheart, I encourage you to call on the Lord - He will answer and He will help you! Read these Scriptures; this is the Lord speaking to us.

“Fear not -there is nothing to fear, for I am with you; do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you; yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My victorious right hand of rightness and justice.” (Isaiah 41:10)

Those who trust in the Lord "…shall not be afraid of evil tidings; his heart is firmly fixed, trusting (leaning on and being confident) in the Lord." (Psalm 112:7 AMP)

"They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them." (Psalm 112:7 NLT)

“Cast the whole of your care (all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all) on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.” (1 Peter 5:7)

“For God Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let you down nor relax My hold on you. Assuredly not!” (Hebrews 13:5)

God bless you! I will keep you and your family in prayer! emoticon Karen

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AMYBELLES 3/31/2013 9:18PM

    Lisa, I am so sorry to hear about your daughter and all that you are going through! I will keep both of you, as well as the rest of your family in my thoughts and prayers. Please know that you are a good mother and are not the cause of this. Your daughter knows how much you love her. I will pray that the counseling/therapy will help her. Hang in there and try to stay strong. Please remember how many people here on SP care about you. I am glad to be on the April Showers team with you this month. I will be here to listen and give you any support you need.
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MZLADY77 3/31/2013 7:45PM

    Still be praying for you and family...Nothing is too hard for God. I pray that God will intervene on behalf of your daughter and yourself, PRAYING FOR SALVATION, SPIRITUAL WARFARE, DELIVERANCE, AND HEALING POWER will take place. God is control and let God have his way....Take one day at a time. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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63KEEPONGOING 3/31/2013 7:28PM

  Still praying that God will give you peace of mind as He works through the doctors to find the problem and help your daughter needs.

Jeremiah 32:27 Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?"

God was in charge then in the lives of his people. He is today. Talk to God who can give you the strength and the answers you need as you rely on Him.
Love you friend,
Will continue to be here for you.


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PENNYLYNN73 3/31/2013 7:12PM

    Continuing to pray for you!!!

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CARLENLLOYD 3/31/2013 5:43PM

    Hugs and prayers to you, even though I don't know you personally. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through, but I do know our God is a big God and He is bigger than anything we face!


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