Sunday, March 31, 2013
Yesterday was a lovely day. A walk in a maple bush after a lovely sunny blue skied drive through the country side. I really enjoyed the tour which included family stories and anecdotes and an intiation into the new methods for collecting and producing syrup. A lot has changed over the years. They are a small family operation and I had to laugh when they said they were busy today as there were 2 families there including us. Some of the commercial places are quite overwhelming. Two of my University age DD's came with DH and I and it brought back a lot of memories. I wish I'd taken my walking poles. Deer tracks in the snow. Some icy or slippery spots on uncovered leaves. A bit of mud but not bad. Miniture horses and chickens. Instead of going to a traditional pancake church hall I chose a favourite bake store that has a vegetarian healthy buffet so we feasted on veggie chili and soup and salad for lunch. I chose a bread product to enjoy over a sweet and was very satisfied.
This morning I baked GF bread for DD and DH and then spent a bit of time practicing harp. Then I took paper and pen into the pool area and in the warmth did some serious planning for the week. It is very easy to a) get distracted when my family members are home from MY NEEDS b) feel THEIR emotions as they express their difficulties with school, work, finances etc. and eat over it. I need to keep myself separate. I need my own routine. I have to fit my work in for the B&B in and not be a "mom" in all my spare time... they are grown children after all. I need to keep the holiday calm and peace that I found last week. I need to ENJOY the birds, the river behind us, the sunshine and melting snow. It is tax season and I have priorities for my time. Of course guests come first but my family kind of has to fend for themselves. I need to communicate this for the month of April. I get that my kids have stresses this month but I need to tell them that my month is busy too and set some boundaries. It feels somehow selfish to do this, and hard. Makes me laugh and sad at the same time. On one hand I underestimate sometimes what they are capable of. I pride myself on being their faccilitator. On the other hand my efforts to lose weight and be healthy take a lot of time and effort. Even things I LOVE to do tend to be put aside for my family and, lol, I don't always love what I need to do for myself. I know my family does not try to sabatoge me. It is ME who does not communicate, who does the sabatoging. It is my CHOICE to do what I do or don't do. In fact my family have often expressed pride when I do make good choices. I love helping them and supporting them, but this month I have to "budget" my time and energy.
It is hard to communicate what you need other people to do. I am listening to them laughing and enjoying the morning as I write this and I don't want to come across as mean or critical. I think if I say what I hope to accomplish this week then say I might need their encouragement it might work. It would be easier if I knew what would encourage me.
What I did do was place 35 marbles in a plastic bowl. I realized that when I'm doing laps swimming or doing exercises, I often spend a lot of energy counting in my head when I would rather be meditating. I thought I would use the marbles to transfer into another bowl as a counting system. I have them... we'll see if I use them this week.