Sunday, March 31, 2013
All right, I'll admit that I am harboring a grudge against someone that I just cannot seem to let go. It is affecting my mood and what I eat. My thoughts are negative toward this person and I am getting frustrated with myself because I just cannot let go of what was said to me so many years ago. Why do I keep replaying that conversation over and over in my mind? I know I need to forgive this person and move on with the relationship. However, it is so hard to do.
Recently, I was having trouble sleeping so I started to look for same guided relaxation sessions to help me sleep. I came across one (unfortunately, I do not remember which) that spoke of the necessity to forgive others and one of the exercises was to imagine the person that I need to forgive as forgiving me.
Wow! That was a switch! Picturing that person forgiving me has given me a new perspective about my relationship with this person. It makes me realize by not forgiving this person it may cause that person to be harboring a grudge toward me because of my negative attitude. Now I am thinking: "What goes around comes around", "Karma", "Judge not lest you be judged", "Do onto others", etc.
I have had conversation with this person, but all the blame was laid at my feet. In this person's mind it is all my fault. But, this person never accepts responsibility for anything and consistently blames the other person in any disagreement. This is what makes it so hard for me to let go of my ill feelings toward this person.
I am not at the stage where I can say I have forgiven this person yet, but I am working on it because being negative all the time is a bummer. I hate being "Debbie Downer"; it makes me feel miserable.
I am responsible for my reaction and how I think. Somehow, picturing this person forgiving me has given me a new perspective about forgiveness. It is no longer about the wrong that I feel was done to me but the wrong I am doing to another.