Sunday, March 31, 2013
Late Night Funny #1
Newt Gingrich tweeted that canceling the (White House Easter Egg) Roll is 'shameless and pathetic, because when you don't commemorate Jesus by screwing around with food, freedom dies.' And then, to honor eggs everywhere, he fell off a wall. -Bill Maher
Late Night Funny #2
Can we at least stop saying that the job of pope is so hard, such a burden no one would even want it? What?! Okay, first of all, you're selling an invisible product. It doesn't get any easier than that. No one is ever going to come back from the dead and say, "Ah, it's bullstuff up there; there's no heaven." "It's just an empty lot." Hard job? All a pope does is talk, and everything you say is right, by definition. And you're there for life. Talk about tenure. And what other business could you be in where your company gets caught running a child sex ring since forever, and you still keep your customers? -Bill Maher
Late Night Funny #3
Top Ten Things Overheard at the Popes' Lunch
10. "Are you seeing anyone?"
9. "I just love the Vatican City Cheesecake Factory"
8. "Hmm, what would Jesus order?"
7. "Who do you have to canonize to get some coffee around here?"
6. "I know I'm infallible, but I should've gone with the chicken"
5. "Which of you had the margarita, no salt?"
4. "Cardinals be crazy"
3. "Why didn't I think of being the humble Pope?"
2. "Oh look at the time, I should get back to poping"
1. "Put it on God's tab"
Late Night Funny #4
When someone finally scores a goal in soccer, don't ruin it with a Nazi salute. Yes, this was the goal celebration of a young, Greek player last week. Then again, with all the money the Germans have spent bailing out Greece, maybe this is just his way of saying "thank you."