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    TEACHFIRST268   16,336
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Climbing out from under...

Saturday, March 30, 2013

I missed blogging last week, so itís catch up time. Life has been throwing me a lot of curveballs the last few weeks. On top of that, weíve been doing construction in the basement and school has been an absolute nightmare. I love teaching 6 and 7 year old kids how to read, but I am feeling more and more that this is not my job these days. I wonít elaborate or dwell; Iíve just been trying to get through each day, one day at a time. Something had to go to the back burner, so my Sparking has been limited. However, Iíve still been working on eating right. My back and tailbone are feeling better and I got out for my first three mile walk earlier today, my first in about 5 weeks. Iím trying to climb out from under, as I recognize that my health, both mental and physical, is something I need to keep Ďon the listí if I want to maintain and continue my weight loss. I can lose weight. Iíve done it in the past. Iíve lost 50+ pounds a few times in my life, only to have the next life-challenge come my way, which causes me to put ME on the bottom of the list, and gain it all backÖand then some. I cannot let that happen anymore. I recognize it and am fighting back. I knew winter would be tough. Thankfully, today was the first spring-like day weíve had and Iím starting to feel hopeful again. Itís been a rough winter. I knew it would be. The last month has been very difficult. But this, too, shall pass.

As for my progress, well, last week I was up .2. Not even worth mentioning. This week, down 1.8. Total weight loss is now 72.6. Iím pleased. I have about 7 and a half pounds to go to get to where my doctor would like my weight to be. I donít care if it takes a month, or a year. Iíll get there when I get there. Iím not putting an Ďend dateí on this. Donít need to. Iím finally Ďgetting ití Ė that itís about how I choose to live my life. Choose the things that keep me healthy, and a healthy weight will follow.

I am still struggling with the new sense of self. I still find myself thinking that Iím that morbidly obese personÖand I have to remind myself that that isnít me anymore. There have been a few times I have been feeling Ďfatí and have actually forced myself to go look at my face in the mirror (because I donít have full length mirrors in my house). I am still surprised at what is looking back at me sometimes! Itís almost as if Iím still not accepting these changes and need reassurance. Iím not sure why Iím having such a hard time with this, but I know this will likely be the most difficult part of the journey.

Anyway, enough rambling. I hope everyone has a great holiday weekend, be it Easter/Passover, or whatever you may celebrate. I need to run out and pick up some last minute things for our Easter dinner. We have a houseful coming tomorrow. So, until next weekÖhave a good one, sparkfriends!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FEARLESSNOW 4/1/2013 11:34PM

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KMK703 4/1/2013 7:46PM

  I love reading your posts! They're so inspiring and honest. I'm starting to learn first hand about not setting an "end date". It only sets you up for disappointment if you don't accomplish what you expected or wanted to in that time frame. Even though its hard for you to have a new sense of yourself, you should be so proud that you have a new self to deal with.

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AUSFAM 4/1/2013 11:13AM

    What a great blog! Winter has been rough, but you're right "this too shall pass" and always remember, "that which does not kill you, will only make you stronger." You're going to be a rock after this winter--you've had a lot of ups and downs but look at where your weight is: 72.6 pounds GONE! You've made it through this, you can definitely make it through anything. Don't let yourself fall to the wayside--you're so worth it! Keep it up my friend, you're doing great!

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KING_SLAYER 3/31/2013 6:56PM

    SOrry to hear that you're having some doubts about teaching, I know that line of work can be so overwhelming, especially with what you're expected to get done in a certain amount of time and then to have all of your kids score highly on the standardized tests so the school district can be rewarded! I think the people in charge of education don't get it, as a nation we used to be #1 in education, but changes get made, and teaching rules change and we slip down the scale a bit. So they add a few extra school days, force more knowledge upon the kids, load them down with homework and we slide down a few more notches! They keep repeating this process until the point where teachers are overburdened, students are loaded with homework day in and day out and yet we still keep losing ground to developing countries! Makes me wonder why anyone would want to be a teacher these days!!

Keep your chin up, things may seem bleak, but at least you're still up on two feet, living your life with the ability to enjoy an Easter dinner with family! Things could always be worse :)

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BEWELL48 3/30/2013 9:42PM

    Thank you for your honesty ....yes, I can relate to the putting yourself last. Still working way too much these days so ME gets on the bottom of the list.....planning on having all my family come tomorrow.....? 30 or so people.......not obsessing just saying ?" It'll be what will be!!!
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_BABE_ 3/30/2013 9:32PM

    Congratulations on losing 72.6 lbs! I think that signals a time for a makeover.. let someone else who doesn't know you help emoticon emoticon emoticon interpret a new look...whether that be a hairstyle change or skinny jeans.

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