Saturday, March 30, 2013
Something that has been weighing heavy on my mind for a number of months now is a new requirement from my health insurer - an annual physical, by May 1st or a raise of $100 per month in rates. I can't afford that, like I won't be able to buy my groceries or pay my phone bill if that sort of thing goes into effect. So I have to go, I have no choice. Let me explain why this is so frightening to me...
I haven't had a physical in over 10 years. I haven't had a doctor since my pediatrician. I've gone to planned parenthood and different obgyns over the years because they don't scare me quite as bad and I had to in order to get bc pills, but ever since my pediatrician had me get blood work done so that she could know my cholesterol numbers at *14* and had the gall to ::lie:: to me and tell me the blood work was just a finger prick... I've never gone back. I couldn't make myself do it. I couldn't find a big enough reason to do it.
I've had panic attacks in obgyn offices, dentist offices, and nearly at the thought of just trying to call a new office to get set up as a new patient. So it is a big deal to me, that this past week - I called a new doctor's office and had them send me the new patient forms. I filled them out and took them into the office. I made an appointment. It remains to be seen how I do getting through the appointment, but the fact that I have done as much as I have is further than I've gotten before. And I'm pretty proud of myself. My plan for the appointment is to explain my issues before we get started, hopefully I can make it through without a panic attack - but even if I do, I've gotten better at weathering the attacks as well. The fact that I've gotten this much done in the face of my fear has been making me feel better overall as well, a little less stress which is cool. So wish me luck, I'm pretty much just doing the whole close your eyes and take the leap approach.