Friday, March 29, 2013
I'm happier than I should be for a Good Friday.
Today I got my hair cut for the first time in 6 months...and for the first time since I really felt awesome about all of my progress. Then I went and bought my first tube of bright red lipstick (over 30 and I've never worn red lipstick - a crime). I've got a new ($20) pair of skinny jeans on in a super small size, I'm wearing a floaty tank top that actually hangs right instead of running into lumps and bumps, and I wore heels all day to run errands without my feet hurting.
So many little things, but they add up to make one of the best days I've ever had. I have been struggling to see my results again - my eyes started seeing the old me again, and I felt so frustrated because I thought I was backsliding. Turns out that my brain was just playing tricks on me yet again!
I wish I could come have coffee with each of you who are earlier in your journeys and tell you that it is so worth it to keep going. It took me more than a decade to sort out the mental part of this transformation journey (do thoughts have weight? sure seems like it sometimes) and, once I found a combination of food and exercise that was healthy for me, almost two years to lose the 40+ pounds I have lost on this last (and final!!) round of weight loss so far. Every struggle along the way made me stronger in the end. Every ounce I lost eventually added up, even when it felt like nothing was moving forward. It doesn't have to happen on any schedule. You don't have to do it the way anyone else did it. You just have to do what really works for you to make yourself the best you that you can be. Never give up.
I am trying hard to get comfortable in my new skin and believe that I've really made it this far, but every big change that comes along in my life makes me re-examine my progress. (I even had a dream this week in which I argued with an ex that I had changed a lot, and I pulled out a stack of old pants to prove it!) Meanwhile, in real life I have done another closet purge and packed up three huge shopping bags of clothes that just don't work any more and can't be tailored down. I decided I was happier with three pairs of well-fitting pants than a rack full of too-big pants that reminded me of darker days.
Happy Easter and happy spring, sparkfamily.