Ugh! Self control ... I screwed it up big time on my job -- lost my patience with a snotty, rude student and wrote something mean on her grade sheet. She's a disruptive and rude college student who I tried to counsel but she wouldn't listen in my office. She was soooooo incredibly disrespectful and has outbursts in class, and I wrote on her grade sheet that she should "keep it shut" (meaning her mouth)...Not my finest moment. She told my Chair and he brought it to my attention and asked me to refrain. But that wasn't the thing. It didn't stop there. No.
One of the administrators (attilah the hun) promoted his secretary to a director's position -- personnel. My friend, the former director, died last month, my paycheck/benefits were screwed up afterwards (understandable), but then the administration disrespected her memory. So all of this was boiling up and then we find out a secretary with no degree or experience, is promoted to take her job. I lost it.
I said what shouldn't have been said to someone it shouldn't have been said to, and she told. Then SHE got puffed up about it and acted like I owed her an apology, when she is the one who betrayed my trust (a private conversation we were having...) I apologized, but feel terrible. I know that's the price you pay for doing wrong. You are supposed to feel badly about it, and I do. I accept that.
They say you won't change anything in your life until you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know that my workplace is a stressful place and has contributed to unhealthy body I've gotten over the 7 years I've worked there. But that's not their fault either. They're proud to be a bad place, but I don't have to be. I have to remember everything I've done over the last 9 months to lose weight and increase fitness.
I feel emotionally much healthier, and my body is improving in amazing ways.
What I've been able to do with the help of SP over the past 9 months, has helped tremendously -- and it was done in the face of some major emotional stressors. I have to keep working!
What I have to start doing more of, is WRITING, WORKING FOR EQUALITY IN OUR WORLD, and pursuing more of MY heart's desire in the organizations I care about.
These are my PASSIONS and what I've dedicated my whole life to. Until I can support myself through my writing and speaking engagements, I will do my best to stay at this college. It's the pits, but I know everything happens for a reason -- I'm here to learn something and change something and do something.
Sorry to rant, especially when the fault for talking too much was mine...I accept responsibility for talking when I should have been writing...and for writing when I should have been talking...Lord let me get this together so I can have the life I deserve. I'm sick and tired.