Day #279 - The beginning of my revelation of what hides in me...
Friday, March 29, 2013
Happy Good Friday! Yesterday - Elliptical 60 minutes
Had a good day yesterday. I think this entire week I managed to eat dinner prepared at home. Whoa!!! Last nite I even made tukey hot dogs (not highly recommended) and manage to stuff them down after grilling them. I don't think I would try them boiled.
So I started reading this book I mentioned previously. Although its called a course in weight loss I guess I didn't realize it was a "course" meaning homework, assignments, writing that type of stuff. Well...I can be a bit slow sometimes
...The first assignment asked me to give thought to my life and circumstances that may be embedded inside and I haven't quite released, confronted or gotten over. There's a list of words that she gives and then you're asked to complete the sentences using those words. She also gives you like scenarios/examples which triggered some thoughts for me. I did not relate to several of the words but there were several that did trigger things in me. There's meditation and prayer along with these lessons. It's not based on any particular religion it is God centered. It's allowing God to reveal things to you about yourself. I think the hardest thing anyone can do is facing self. Even when you look in a mirror - for some just taking in ALL of you face-to-face is difficult. So think about being completely honest with yourself when it comes to emotions!?!
I have often felt that counseling/listening has been a part of who I was/am created to be. I've questioned God and myself many times as to why people flock to my space to share/vent/cry etc. Especially at work - my boss even said that to me one day after he started noticing how people came to me with their problems/issues. Some would be crying and he would see this. Some had mentioned when they needed to eventually see him that they were okay after talking with me. I take no glory in any of it because...yes it can get overwhelming. I know that there's a higher authority at work here because my wisdom sometimes shocks even me.
One thing I know is that a lot of folks see me as a strong person. What they don't know is that sometimes even the strongest need an outlet to release. I can honestly say I loss my outlet when my mom passed. God has always been there I know but to have a physical body here on earth sometimes is needed. Since she passed I've had only God. Sometimes I still can't seem to let it go and allow myself to be completely vunerable before Him. Because I've built a wall that says I can't let anyone see me weak because the image that I'm strong will be revealed. As I type this I realize what I've done...allowed peoples preception of who I am convince me of this image. So I hide behind the image and keep whatever emotion I'm having hidden inside and I'm sure it's hurting me in some way. That is what I seek to find out and release from my spirit. Yes I can cry when people die but I've never been a crier just for any reason. Even when I feel that I should or could shed a tear - I fight that ... I'm hoping as I go through this journey to allow God to correct that which I need to correct in order to live to my fullest in Him. If whatever may or may not be wrong within me is causing or not causing me to sabotage my journey I want to find it now. It may not only affect my ability to successfully lose weight but I'm sure its affecting other areas of my life. My true goal is to live the best I can for God so that He can use me the best He can in this life. Somebody is waiting for me to reach my full potential...I was placed here to be a blessing and I plan to do that before my days end.
Now on to another more uplifting thought. Wishing each and everyone that comes across my blog today a very Happy and Blessed Easter weekend. May every day be a GOOD day for you.